If He Never Got Me

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"If he never got me, maybe I would have fallen in the mud and remained there."

I hated how he pressurised me to walk infront of him; no one has ever dared to treat me that way, as if I was a porcelaine doll that needed to be taken care of. Yet, I allowed him to have his ways.

I hated how he could make me talk, even my deepest feelings were not spared. I felt like an open book to him and how was that fair, do tell, when I could not read him.

I hated how we pushed me, even when I knew I could not, I still complied to his pressure for not only was he a good mentor but also a great challenger. And I loved challenges.

While I climbed up the valley today, I realised just how free I did not feel for I was caged into something I did not deserve. It takes me very long to admit what I realise and that is how people sees me as an advantage they could benefit from; I am my own misery's fault.

Yet, he kept on repeating 'Go' and I kept on saying no for defying his will was not just amusing but interesting. His 'Go' to me was a sign, call me a fool if you wish but I believe that there is not such a thing as 'going with the flow' as all of what happens to us; words and even actions, are already predicted. One of the reasons as to why I never celebrated independance day for we were not really freed, we are all still enslaved. Coming back to what I would call fate's cards in form of his pressure, I knew that while I was getting to the Falls, I was also coming to enlightenment.

I knew what I deserved, and misery is not one of them. I cannot have dreams that are for someone else's.

It is about time to love myself, to recover again, to take care of my own self and maybe even pamper myself.

It is about time to fall in love with someone who knew that small things mattered more than physical connection.

And if he never got me, maybe I would have never thought about all of this. There is just these things about someone that just inspires you to see things, to undo your blindfold and face the darkness so as to defeat it with your light.

Then again, I don't believe in coincidences.

Everything is planned.

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