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Entry 4:Life Is A Merry-Go-Round

Dear.....

I have not written for bit, I've decided to just write when I feel like I need to or have something to actually say. Some days are so uneventful that it does not even feel like it matters enough to sit down and write about it. With That said.

10Am

Gahhh I'm convinced I must meet her again because she is all that has been on my mind since seeing her the first time at the park. I do not want to sound like a creeper but I miss her face and her angelic voice. I miss bumping into her and thinking 'gosh what a surprise' seeing her makes my day. I end up with this cheesy smile upon my face right before bed just thinking of her. Why did she have to be so nice to me the other day now all I keep doing is replaying her words in my head. And was it me or was she just a bit too friendly to me? Does that mean something or is that just how all women are? I wonder...

I keep trying to find reasons to go outside and places I think I might bump into her again. I know, I know I am certainly being ridiculous. Things will happen naturally and if I try to force nature then is it really natural? Is it really even meant to be? So I will restrain myself. I will not needlessly force moments to happen. I'll wait patiently because that is what a girl like her deserves and I only want to show her my best me nothing less.

5Pm

Wow time flew by today. Have I really wasted hours at home just watching tv, eating, organizing and writing? I really must change my habits like my friend says I must 'make an effort to be better than I am.' I shall work out today, it'll give me the change of pace I really need. I think I will go for a nice long run.

6Pm

I've been running so fast and sweating so much that I can not tell if the pounding in my ears is from my heart or my feet landing too hard against the ground. I hear nothing but the pounding though and it's nice. Nothing else exists when I am out here running. Just me and the wind, just me and my fast legs, just me against the harsh cold world. I am speeding through life right now, I am living! This is the feeling of adrenaline Rush, and it feels great!

7:30Pm

I'm tired and I am ready to just collapse on my bed and sleep for 20 hours. I want to exist only in my dreams. But I must get up 4 flights of stairs to get home. These stairs feel like hell right about now. My legs are a screaming contradiction of lead and jelly. I may have over done that Run. I'm sure I will regret it very soon.

7:31Pm

I am stupid, I am a stupid idiot! How could I have missed it! How am I this dumb, how?!?! I could kick myself if I weren't so tired. She! Her! Yes her! I can see her only but a few feet ahead of me climbing the stairs, my stairs! My apartment building! luckily she doesn't see me at all. But it can not be true, say it ain't so. Tell me she does not live here. Tell me my eyes deceive me! But oh I can not, as she gets off on the third floor. As she unlocks 3C and walks inside, As she disappears right before my eyes! HOW could this be that the girl I had wished to see was there the whole time. The whole time she was but a floor below mine, what is this? Am I somehow dreaming? Will I wake up and find out she was never even there to begin with? Oh please let her be real.

10:30Pm

I am in a daze over what I've found out today. I have not eaten dinner, have not even showered. I'm too shocked. Too confused. Life is a merry-go-round and I am spinning too fast that I fear I may fall off at any moment. I am too dizzy for this truth, too happy to even smile. And now I'm all too scared because this is all happening too fast for me to catch up. Slow down merry, slow, slow down! I need to catch my breath or I will lose all sense.

Today: ^_^ , >_< , -_- , O_o , ?_?