turnpike

ix

✗ ✗ ✗

It's twenty minutes to eleven, and I think I'm going to be sick.

Callie is on my right, Ashleigh to my left, and they're laughing like the old friends we're supposed to be. One pushes my hair off my shoulders and bumps her hip teasingly against mine. The other grabs my hand and entwines our fingers, but the guilt roiling in my stomach refuses to settle.

Still, I laugh along with them.

"Oh my God, do you guys remember that time we got trashed during welcome week and peed on President Napton's lawn?" Callie reminisces with a grin, looking up at me like I'm still her partner in crime.

Acid burns in the back of my throat.

Ashleigh throws her head back and cackles, but she's still more beautiful than I'll ever dream of being. "You know the grass never grew back in those patches, right?"

"That's crazy!" I join in, trying to sound as excited as they do, but I can't bring myself to commit fully. They don't notice. We've had a few drinks already and while I'm still mostly sober, they're lightweights. "I can't believe we didn't get in trouble for that."

"That's the thing about us," Callie giggles, squeezing my hand tighter. "We know how to not get caught."

With a wink she lets go and runs towards the apartment building we've finally come upon, stumbling slightly in her too-high heels. She presses a button on the console to the side, waiting for someone to buzz us in, and my stomach drops a mile when the doors click open.

It's been two days since I was last here, and I'm already regretting my decision to come back for this. Or to simply come back at all.

The girls chatter away as we take the elevator up to his floor, but the closer we get, the more I want to turn and run.

"Are you sure you want to go to this party?" I blurt, interrupting Callie and Ashleigh's conversation. "I mean, is it really a good idea for us to be here? It is your ex-boyfriend's party after all."

Ashleigh furrows her brow, probably confused as to why it would matter to me, but Callie simply shrugs it off.

"I don't really care," Callie says breezily. "Honestly, this way I'll get a chance to see the sluts he was screwing behind my back. And hey, maybe I'll even get to fuck one of his brothers!"

With that, Callie and Ashleigh share a laugh and a loud high five, then stumble out of the elevator doors, leaving me behind.

By the time I catch up to them, they've already wandered into his apartment, and I wade through the crowd on my own. It's deafeningly loud in here, and the space that I once thought was too big for him has suddenly become claustrophobic. There are at least fifty people here already, and judging from the crowd behind me, that number is only bound to grow.

The crush is comforting in a way, and it helps alleviate some of the fear of having to interact with this apartment's tenant tonight. Hopefully all of these people will keep him occupied, and the fact that Callie plans to stay away from him will also help my plight.

However, this relief is short-lived.

Just as the girls find me again, I lock eyes with him across the room. He's standing on top of the coffee table, Solo cup in the air as he toasts something with the Pi Sigs he's surrounded by. He looks like the king of the world up there.

Maybe I'm imagining it, but it looks like he tips his cup in my direction before bringing it to his lips and knocking back its contents. I swallow hard along with him and look away.