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"It's the loneliest feeling in the world 

Yeah, when you're waiting, just waiting to be found..."

___________________

     Levi stared blankly at his feet on the carpet, head still between his hands as his body trembled. What was he going to do? There was no way in hell that you'd ever want to get back with him after this. After all he'd done to you, how was he going to show you that he hadn't meant for this to happen? He knew you had smarts in that idiotic brain of yours.

You hated scumbags like what he'd become.

Levi sighed, rubbing his tired eyes with this thumb and forefinger. He had to think rationally about this. He knew you. Or at least he hoped he did. Hell, he thought he knew himself but he didn't.

His phone buzzed, adding to his frustration. That damn thing, if only he'd gotten rid of those other girls' numbers...maybe he wouldn't have been so easy to fall back into the trap. Still, it wouldn't help the fact that he knew where to find them.

"I'll never want you," growled Levi, about breaking his phone as he opened up the new message – a nude from one of the girls.

Levi saw then, with startling clarity, that that was true – he had never ever wanted those women at all to begin with. Even when he told himself he did, so that he could drown out the loud feelings for you. He didn't want them, didn't crave them like he did you. Levi forced out a humourless chuckle. He was even dumber than he thought. It was like he was waking up from a long nap. His vision was blurry, his mind spinning trying to figure out where in space and time he was.

Without a second thought, Levi went through and erased all evidence of his disgraceful activities from his phone. He went then to the closet, pulling out a box of mementos from the girls he'd been with in the past. He glared at the box, how stupid was he to keep this?

He'd found what he wanted. He didn't need or even want these anymore!

Levi took the box to the living room, and emptied its contents into the fireplace before lighting a fire. He watched as polaroids curled, and nylon/polyester garters melted. He couldn't even remember the names or faces that went with them.

Levi returned to the bedroom, where he began to pick up clothes and put them back where they belonged. His mind buzzed at everything that took place within the last few short minutes. It seemed totally unreal and utterly surreal. He knew his train of thought was different than other men who cheated, but it still seemed like it all happened so fast. Was he really a different man than he was ten minutes ago?

Maybe [Name] leaving was a good thing, Levi pondered as he picked up one of his hoodies that you always wore. It woke me up.

As Levi folded the hoodie, something fluttered from the pocket. The man raised his eyebrow, setting the sweatshirt aside and picking up the white strip of paper. Flipping it over, he found it to be photo booth pictures from one of your first dates. He'd forgotten about these, you two looked so different then – happier, he supposed; you'd even gotten him to give one of his rare wide smiles, the picture after showing your face red as a tomato while he appeared to be whispering something in your ear with a smirk.

His chest ached, looking at these photos; it felt raw, sore and chewed.

What was this feeling?

With the way he shut people out, along with his old ways of girl hopping, it never gave him the ghastly luxury of feeling like this before. You were a first. Levi placed a hand on his chest, half expecting to find a bloody hole. But he was whole. If only in physical presence.

"Where did you go, brat?" he muttered to the photo, rubbing his thumb over the final picture on the strip. "Where can I find you?"

Levi set the strip on the bed, completely ignoring the rest of the cleaning that needed to be done. He couldn't concentrate until his arms were wrapped around you again. Where he'd make sure you stayed – if you decided to do the stupid thing, and return to the thing that broke you.

The final picture wounded him the most; a picture of you two kissing innocently. No hands through the hair, red cheeked, lip bruising kiss, but your arms lazily hung over his shoulders while his pale hands cupped your cheeks and your faces squished together nose-to-nose.

_______________

"And pictures they don't do a thing for me now

No, they're fading, just faded faces all worn out..."

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