Charlie and Me. The Saga Continues

Charlie and Me. Chapter 23

Charlie and Me. Chapter 23

Treeza gets angry, and Charlie and Rick badly misjudge things.

*****

Madeline was as good as her word; she did play nicely with the other children. It was Charlie and I who made a pig’s ear of things.

We’d already invited Treeza round as we’d said. Sylvester was conveniently away playing with his Lego, so it had seemed natural to make sure she wasn’t on her own. To make things more fun, we didn’t bother to tell her we’d now invited Madeline. And we staggered the arrival times; Madeline was to get to us at 7:00, Treeza at 7:30. I am devious, aren’t I?

Madeline arrived on the dot, just as we expected. We got comfortable in the kitchen. Madeline glanced at the Mission Control signs with a quizzical look on her face.

‘This is where we do our plotting and planning when we help our friends,’ I explained.

‘And, errm, what other plots have you hatched here?’ she asked uncertainly. ’Though I’m not sure I want to know.’

‘We’re going to tell you anyway so you see just how lightly you got off. You had a lucky escape. If we hadn’t both liked you, you’d have been in some very deep fucking shit indeed.’

‘Charlie, be cool. Madeline’s a guest in our house and isn’t used to you yet. Madeline, you’re likely still coming to terms with Charlie not being Ashley and me not being Sylvestra.’

‘That was a shock,’ Madeline almost stammered.

‘That was the intention. Now you need to bear in mind that when we set out to fix someone we do play relatively straight. No child porn on the computer, no spurious drug busts, no fake murder raps. We play clean, OK cleanish, but create maximal confusion and inconvenience. Here goes. There’s a man called Nigel Short who upset our friend Constance. Charlie? Want to do this? It was your idea, after all.’ And I think he was once a lover who betrayed you, I added silently.

Charlie explained the small penis plot. Madeline gaped at us.

‘You did that?’

‘I suppose strictly speaking Haydn did it, but it was our idea. Before that there was a guy called Len who upset our friend Sylvester. Charlie?’

Charlie said ‘You need to remember that Rick doesn’t think in straight lines, which is why he’s fucking hopeless at drag racing. He doesn’t think laterally, either. Edward de Bono would wonder where the fuck Rick was coming from. Rick’s head operates in some fucking multidimensional timespace.’

‘Praise indeed. Thank you, Charlie, but as I said, let’s tone down the language. I’m flattered you think I have a mind like a corkscrew. Talking of which, I should be wielding one right now. I’ll do that while you carry on.’

Charlie explained the property development plot. ‘I hope you get to meet Arry’n’Barry; they’re nice people, but don’t have them do any work on your house. Terry’s a good mate too, even if he’s a chancer who’s way ahead of Arry’n’Barry in the chancy stakes. Sylvester... Well he’s simply one of the good guys,’ she added. Her accent had me sweating again.

‘We cut our teeth by avenging our friend Abby,’ I said, and revealed the whole sorry tale of Fuckface Marco and his poncey supercar.

Madeline took a biggish slug of wine. Her hand was trembling slightly. She said, ‘You really are good friends to have.’

‘Yes ma’am, but you don’t want to get the wrong side of us. Again.’ said Charlie. She was moderating her language, I was pleased to observe.