Chapter 10

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Is this heaven? I thought. I was in an all white room. There was no one there, except...Emily.

"Emily!" I yelled, running at her. A smile was alight on her face.

"Hi Alex," she said, her large brown doe eyes shining.

" I dead?" I asked, a little frightened at what the answer might be.

"No," she stated simply.

"So...I'm not dead?" I asked again. She shook her head.


"Then what is this place?" I asked.

"Whatever you like," Emily said, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Uh..." I had no idea what to say.

"Alex, it isn't your time to go," Emily said gently.

"It wasn't your time to go either!" I argued. "You were sixteen!"

"Alex, you need to go back," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Well what if I don't?" I stubbornly folded my arms across my chest.

"I'll make you," she threatened.

"But I don't want to go back to a life without him!" I whined.

"Suck it up cupcake," Emily said, quoting our dad's favorite saying. We both laughed.

"Emily...what if coming here was never the right choice?" I asked softly.

"In the end, it all works out. But Alex...go back home. I want to see you and the love of your life together again," she said softly.

"The love of my life is a cheating douchebag," I pointed out.

"Not Zack. Rob."

I looked at my feet, my cheeks flooded with embarrassment.

"Well sis, I guess I'll see you around," I said, approaching my ghostly sister. I smiled tentatively and blew her a kiss. "How do I leave?"

She chuckled.

"Just get on a plane and go back to Boston," she shrugged.

"I meant how do I get out of here?" I said.

"Try closing your eyes," she suggested. I sat down on the white floor and closed my eyes. Soon I was drifting off.

Do I really want to go back to Boston? I thought. And my subconscious replied, Yes, you should.


What the...? I opened my eye slowly to see doctors and nurses all around me. I started thrashing around, unaware of where I exactly was. I knew I was in a hospital, but that was about all I had gathered. Zack. Tess. Relationship. Suicide. Rob. Emily. That's all I remembered.

"Stay calm!" someone shouted. I stopped thrashing as someone started to write down notes and check my pulse and a million other things. Everyone left. I noticed a large teddy bear with 'We love you!' written on the heart it was holding. Bullshit. Then the door burst open and in came a frantic Zack, Luke, Louis, Henry, Nate, and Katie.

"Alex!" Katie exclaimed, her tear stained face brightening. I smile tentatively at her and the others, but scowled at Zack.

"Why didn't you just break up with me?" I whispered.

"I couldn't," Zack said, his face dropping.

"Why not?" I asked. "Anything would've been better than this hell I'm in now!"

"You had me wrapped around your little finger!" he shouted. I narrowed my eyes.

"And because you loved me, I'm the bad guy?" I asked lowly. He didn't reply. "Yeah. Thought so."

We stood in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Why?" I asked, breaking the awkward tension.

"Why what?" Henry asked, his brows furrowed.

"Why did you save me?"

"Why did we save you?" Zack scoffed. "We saved you because we love you!"

"If you loved me you wouldn't have been screwing around with Tess," I retorted.

"Alex, I love you more than her," he said.

"Bullshit," I seethed. "And even if you did, you pissed it all away."


"Don't you dare," I snarled.

"Please, listen to me-"

"No. You listen to me," I cut him off. "Tess hated me because she knew I was your girl, and I hated her because she was a bitch. I let you cheat!" I exclaimed. Tears were streaming down my face.


" Get away from me. I never want to see you again," I said, my cheeks hot.

He bitterly turned to leave.

"Wait!" I said. He turned around. "One last thing. Every time you look into Tess's blue eyes, the same eyes as mine, I want you to remember this. I want you to remember how much pain you caused me. And I want you to remember this: I hate you and I never want to see you again."

"Alex, don't you think you're rushing into this?" Henry asked. I gave him a glare so deadly the room seemed to go completely silent.

"Oh and Zack?" I added, as he faced the door. "I didn't want you to save me."

"Zack, don't leave," Katie commanded. I glared angrily at her. "You two are going to work things out."

"No!" I cried.

"Yes," she snapped, glaring at me. "We're gonna stand outside the door, and you are going to work this out."

They left and Zack and I were now the only ones in the room. The tears were welling up in my eyes, and I was trying not to cry. He took a deep breath.

"Listen, I know I screwed up but I love you like crazy. I hate myself more than anything for putting you through this. All the pain and heartache. You have to understand that I love you and would do anything for you. I'm so afraid of losing you that it makes me go crazy and do the wrong things all the time. I'm begging you Alex. Please. Please believe me," he said, his brown eyes sad and lonely.

"I'd love to believe you, but I just can't. I trusted you and you betrayed me," I told him. My heart was aching and I felt like a two ton brick just smashed into my head.

"Alex...are we...breaking up?" His voice trembled.

"Yes. I...I'll swing by and grab my stuff...and...I'll live with Katie in the mean time," I said, my voice cracking.

"Alex, please," he begged. My heart broke at the sight of his sadness, but I was sticking to my guns.

"No Zack. I'm sorry it had to end this way. The door is closed," I said, my voice remaining even.

"Fine," he said, tears flooding his face. He turned to face the door.

"Have a good life with Tess," I spat. And with that, he was gone. Everyone burst through the door.

"What happened?" Katie asked.

"We...I...I told him that I'd love to believe that he loves me still, but he betrayed me and I just can't do it and that we broke up and I just..." I sobbed. Katie came by my bed.

"It's ok," she soothed.

"No it's not!" I yelled. "I let him go! I told him the door was closed! I need him! But he doesn't give a fuck anymore! He doesn't care that he is my other half! He doesn't need me like I need him!" I screamed angrily. Was I talking about Rob or Zack?

"Calm down," Luke said, looking at me sympathetically.

"I can't!" I sobbed, sitting up in my hospital bed. I just can't let him go.
Correction. I won't let him go.

But then again, that's what you said about Rob.

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