Chapter Five

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Please grant me the sweet release of death


It's been a month and a half with Copeland. She's been happy, seeing her dad up to twice a week now. Kellin was beginning to warm up to me, actually talking to me during the visits.

"So Austin told me that they're letting you out soon." I say, sitting next to Kellin on the couch. Copeland sits down in front of us, playing with the cars and blocks.

He nods, smiling down at Copland. "Yeah, the people said that if nothing happens for the next week they won't extend my stay." He looks over at me right when I look over at him. Our eyes meet and his face goes red, quickly averting his eyes away from mine.

I smile, Copeland making a tower out of blocks.  She frowns as it falls over, looking up at me. "My tower keeps falling over." She whines, setting a block on another.

"Do you need help?" I ask. She nods, scooting over so I can sit down next to her. Kellin joins us, Copeland smiling at him and leaning forward to put a block to make her tower three blocks high. The blocks are big, cardboard cutouts of different coloured brick patterns in the form of rectangles squares and triangles. The blocks are bigger than my hand, length wise.

We gradually get the tower higher, Copeland letting Kellin and I both put a couple blocks on. The tower grows taller than Copeland, and she struggles to put another block on the top. So I grab her and hold her up so she can continue putting the blocks on. She giggles and I stay at my knees, letting Copeland put more blocks on before slowly standing up.

Kellin laughs, watching us as Copeland puts the last block on the top. She raises her hands into the air, laughing also. I look up at her, smiling.

"Now let's knock it down!"

"But Cope you just built it!"

I let her back down to the ground and she positions herself in front of the blocks. The blocks are big but are cardboard so they're hallow, and Copeland smiles a big smile before smashing herself right into the tower.

It falls over onto the floor, the three of us just staring at it. "Well that was... Anticlimactic." Kellin says, all of us laughing. "What does anti... Anticlimatlic mean?" Copeland asks, struggling on the word.

Kellin and I laugh, Copeland looking at us with curious eyes. "It wasn't as cool as we expected." I say, Copeland nodding. "I thought it was pretty cool." She smiles, going to grab the bricks.

She builds the tower again, making grabby hands at me, so I pick her up, helping her build the tower high. After she rebuilds it she runs into it again, knocking it over.

"This is so fun!" She exclaims, laughing. I smile at her, sitting back and watching as she begins to build a wall.

The wall covers her and she peeks out a small hole in the middle. Kellin laughs, coming forward and putting his face to the hole. They both laugh, Copeland standing. "Watch out daddy." She warns, standing back.

Kellin moves out of the way just in time for Copeland to run through the wall, knocking it over. She falls to the floor, giggling like a mad man.

She breathes heavily, stretching her arms out and yawning. "I'm tired now." Copeland signs, standing and going over to the animal crackers. "Can I have some juice?" She asks, looking over at me and Kellin.

I nod, standing and grabbing one of her sippy cups. I fill it with juice, screwing on the top and handing it to her. "Thank you." She smiles, walking over to Kellin.

It was her nap time, sometimes the visits stretched over that period of time. I wasn't surprised when she crawls into my lap, drinking her juice.

After a good ten minutes she falls asleep, juice clutched in her hands.

Kellin sits across from me, watching Copeland. He has a sad look on his face. "You okay, do you wanna hold her?" He nods, his eyes filling with tears. I scoot over to him immediately, sliding Copeland into his arms.

Instead of letting me scoot away he leans into me, letting out a small sob. I put an arm around him, his face buried into Copeland's chest. Copeland stirs but doesn't wake up as Kellin cries into her shirt.

I let him slump into my arms, rubbing his back. I don't know why he's crying but I was here to comfort him.

It took awhile for Kellin to stop crying, but when he did he didn't move an inch. Copeland blinks her eyes open and looks up at me, her mouth stretching into a smile. "Oh hi Viccy." She sighs, turning to Kellin.

"Daddy why are you crying?" She asks. At the question Kellin sits up, wiping his eyes. I pull my arms away from them, scooting back a bit. "Sorry, I just love you a lot Cope. And it kills me that I can't see you everyday." He smiles, continuing to wipe his red eyes.

"But that's okay, because Vic tells me that I'll be able to see you everyday soon." She says, hugging Kellin. "That's right sweetheart." He smiles, looking up at me. I smile back, sitting back.


After the visit I take Copeland home, trying to keep her awake so she can fall asleep inside. "Come on Copeland, don't fall asleep now!" I exclaim, reaching back to shake her leg. She opens her eyes slowly, sighing loudly.

"You can sleep when we get home!" I continue, reaching back farther to nudge her face. "Stooop." She yawns, swiping my hand away. I manage to keep her awake and I zoom home.

"Here we are Cope, now you can fall asleep." I smile, going around to the back to unbuckle her and pull her out of the car. "Viccy I'm tired." She whines, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I know Cope."

She yawns as I walk up to the house, my neighbor cooing at us. "Your daughter is so precious!" She coos, fanning her face. I smile, laughing lightly.

I didn't deny the fact that technically she isn't my daughter.

But for some reason, it feels good to say that she is.


hello it me

(Sorry for super short update ): )

anyway I hope you're having a fantastic little day :)



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