Chapter Thirty Eight:
Fights:
~Ryan~
Slowly after Christmas, Danielle started to get tired more easily. Even just walking from her bedroom to the kitchen would tired her out so bad she would lie down on the couch and take an hour long nap.
So instead of letting her walk, I was always insisting on carrying her.
Danielle still had her bubbly personality come out sometimes, but now it was smaller, quieter and hidden. Unless she was in a really good mood, she just had a constant helpless look on her face.
I had taken to watching her sleep. She slept lots now, and it was the only time she looked peaceful. The part that creeped me out though, was that was how she would look when she died as well.
I always went to Danielle’s chemo appointments. I hadn’t missed one since the cancer had spread in September.
At first they had been hard to watch, but now they were getting easier because they were mixing in some sort of drug so Danielle didn’t feel the chemo too much.
They had been offering to give her a larger dosage of chemo since October. But she never accepted. I wanted her to, but I didn’t try to convince her. I knew the chemo must hurt her before and after, and I wasn’t sure if doing more would hurt even more.
But I was so happy when today Danielle finally agreed to up her dosage. It was the middle of January so I guess she was really scared of dying now. Either that or she could stand the pain or how sleepy she always was. My birthday was in a week and a half, I hope she makes it that long. I wanted her to live long after that, but I couldn’t ask for more than the week and a half. It would be a miracle if she lasted until then.
I watched her face this time. I knew it hurt her more because her eyes were scrunched up and closed tightly. The hand I held seemed lifeless, but the other gripped the sheets on the hospital bed.
Then it started.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Loud and relentless beeping filled the room. I didn’t know what machine it was from, so naturally, I began to panic. I’m not sure if Danielle heard it. Sometimes she put all her concentration into the chemo that she didn’t hear me. If she heard the beeping now, she didn’t give any clues.
A doctor came rushing in. It was the same one from earlier today, but I had no idea what his name was. Most times Danielle got chemo a different doctor and nurse attended to her. If there were ever repeats, I never remembered.
“What happened?” He asked while checking the different machines Danielle was hooked up to.
“I’m not sure. She was just sitting here and then that started,” I said.
A nurse came running in as well and started to help the doctor go through the machines. When the doctor found the one that was beeping and he read the little screen on it, he gasped.
“What is it? What’s wrong with her?” I asked.
The doctor stayed silent, his face paled.
“Please tell me please. I love her. Do you know how this feels?” I begged.
Again he stayed silent. I could feel the tears running down my face. Danielle hadn’t wanted to die in a hospital. Was she dying now?
“Doctor, I need to know now,” I pleaded.
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