I'm Gon' Learn Him---A Dramatic Monologue

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I want him to know that he can kiss my ass

My bestfriend told me that I should teach him a lesson by ignoring, well as my sweet nana would say “I’m gonna learn him”

I’m gonna learn him to kiss every piece of my sweet chocolate colored ass.

He must not know who I am.

Must not! Can I get a mhmmm please?

“Preach girl!”

Thank ya maam!!

He must not know my DNA, because if he did he would know that If he waited long enough I couldn’t give a quarter of an absolute fuck if I tried.

So I’m gonna learn him how to miss me.

Mr. MeMan –YouWoman lookin ass Alpha male.

He may not miss me when I’m done, he may not come back when I’m done but hunny he gon’ LEARN how to treat me.

I wish I would let him hang up the phone in my face again, betcha I’d pop up in that mofo’s dreams at night and haunt the shit outta him. Kick over every mufuckin cabinet in his subconscious, shuffle files away and fuck with the basis of his memory bank, toss every good thought he had to the side and just stand in the midst of it so that he knows that I’m the shit and he’s the toilet paper.

He gon’ tell me….chile he gon’ TELL me that I need to ‘xpress myself more and when I do he shut everything down and me ‘xpressing myself aint what’s up anymore.

Then he gon’ tell me that communication is key, but how come when he get pissed he don’t wanna talk? Oh he too hot to c’municate. He too mad, gotta cool off and a day or two later c’municate how mad he was.

Baby I want him to kiss the whole area of my ass, starting with the perimeter first because I don’t want him to miss a thang.

Get it all hunny,it’s a buffet and I want him to have some of this foot al la mode after I stick it so far up his ass he’s shitting toenails and all.

We gon’ have us a ball, but this aint no masquerade, he gon’ know who’s fuckin with his mind. Sweetie I aint finst to call him, text him, pop up on his newsfeed, communicate telepathically with him or ask about him because I want him to think that it’s an honor to know me….


Because I’m classy that’s why…..despite all the aforementioned curse words. Boo don’t get it twisted.


That nigga gon’ tell me….

You know what that nigga told me?



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