chapter 5

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'She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.'

the blaring of my alarm clock wakes me up. i get up and go to the bathroom deciding to go to school. i look in the mirror and see the tear tracks down my face. unlike most people my face doesn't get red or blotchy when i cry, nor do my eyes swell or redden. so the only remains of my crying are the tear tracks and the dried up tears. i take a towel and wash my face. i look back in the mirror and expect to see the same girl I've always seen, golden hair, bright green eyes, dark lashes, ruby lips. but looking at me, all i see is normal, but the eyes, and these eyes were certainly the window to my soul. they were darkened and sad.

suddenly rage fills me. he did this,  he made me like this.  i was not going to punch the mirror, instead i make my way to the bedroom. i open my drawers and pull out a black sports bra and spandex shorts. i pull my silky hair into a ponytail and fill a water bottle with water. i go to the gym and rap my hands in protective rap. i put my bottle on a table and start.

i punch it all away.

the kisses,

punch

the hugs,

punch

the quirky moments,

punch

the corny moments,

punch

the cuddling,

punch

i stop punching the bag, if i continue like this i would injure myself. i press myself against a wall so i could refrain from punching the bag. and then? then i cry.

"he, d-did-didn't e-even s-say go-good b-bye." i sob into my knees.

phase one has been completed, now phase two: ice cream, chocolate, movies and tissues. i go upstairs, with my water bottle and pop some movie popcorn. there was a machine. i put that in a bowl and take out Ben and Jerry's, and start my movie marathon.

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"so Nina what stage of your process are you on?" Bella asks me as i work on my bike with jacob and Bella his Jake's garage.

"i just finished moping and eating so ill move on to music next." i say. some talking outside stops our conversation.

"whose that?" Bella asks.

"my best friends, embry and quil." jacob says.

"quil and embry? those are unusual names."

"quil is a hand me down and i think embry is named after a soap opera star i cant say anything though," jacob says.

"they fight dirty if you start on their names-they'll tag team you." i finish.

"the only one who gets to tease them about their names is Nina. i think its because she also has a strange name, course cant remember what it is." jacob adds on.

"okay A they allow me to tease them because they love me, and im just glade im not named after a soap opera star or have a hand me down name." i say.

"your just jealous." jacob says looking up at me.

"no im not, because i couldn't imagine myself with a common name."

"why would it be common?" he asks.

"well im dont know who "my father is but my mother and her sister are named Mary and Alice after their supposedly dead aunt Mary Alice Brandon." me and Bella tense. "and their mother was named Cynthia. can you imagine me with a name like Mary or Alice?" me and Bella both shiver at the idea.

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