I laid, sobbing on the bed. I was still in my dress, but I didn't care.
You never know how much you love a guy until the thought of someone else being with him breaks your heart, my sister had said.
My sister....I shuddered at the thought of her. She was just two years younger than me. She and my parents had left home to come and visit me, living as an Emancipated Minor about an hour away. The next thing I knew, everyone was dead. Emily, her boyfriend, my mom, and my dad. All dead. They never saw the eighteen wheeler coming.
I sat up.
"Don't cry," I whispered to myself. But that was easier said than done. I felt like I was in one of those dramas. But those movies had happy endings. From the way it looked, mine didn't.
I contemplated it. What Zack had helped me stay away from. What my life was before. What I did before he came into my life. I ran my finger over the invisible scars on my thigh.
I got up and got a piece of paper and a pen.
Rob would never know. Not would he care, I thought bitterly.
'Goodbye Zack. Please don't feel like this was your fault. A piece of my heart will always be yours.
No. I crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage bin.
'Nate, Henry, Louis, and Luke:
You are the best friends a girl could ever have.
Zack, we'll meet again someday, and my heart will always belong to you.
No. I crumpled it up and threw it out.
No. No, no, no!
'You guys became my second family when my real family died. Thank you for being there for me, no matter what.
Nate, I'll miss you so much. Your smile, laugh, and humor won't be forgotten.
Luke, your sweetness and kind heart will always be the two best things about you. I will miss you.
Louis, your humor and that mischievous twinkle in your eye made my day each time I saw it.
Henry, your cheekiness and overall great personality were what made you such a phenomenal guy.
Katie, I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I will be by your side forever, and we'll meet again one day, I promise.
And lastly, Zack. Please don't feel like this is your fault. It's not. I was driving myself to this point eventually, I guess. Have a great life with Tess. Yeah. She's, um, wonderful? I don't know what to say, or what you want me to say for that matter.
So I guess this is goodbye. I love you all so much and please, please, please don't forget it. I'll see you all one day.
The silent tears flowed down my face as I wrote the last part, saying my last goodbyes. I got up and locked the already shut door, then going into the bathroom. I groped around the cabinet until I found what I was looking for. I took out the little pill bottles and went back onto the bed. I gulped.
Goodbye, I thought, kissing the letter. I poured about ten of each pill into my hands, which were shaking.
I put all the pills in my mouth and swallowed. Enough to OD. Just like high school. Fuck you Isaiah. Fuck you Zack. And fuck you Rob, for leaving me. Then I heard Nate's frantic shouts and someone pounding on the door. But it was too late. I was already slipping away.
The last things I ever saw were Zack's crying eyes and Nate's frightened face. Then, I closed my eyes.
"I miss you, Rob," I whispered. Those would be my last words.
This chapter was really difficult for me to write because of what it's all about. My best friend did. She was going through a really rough patch, and this chapter is dedicated to her. My friend almost committed suicide. Two of my friends actually. I researched and all that jazz, and eventually I talked them out of it, but it kinda haunted me. When it comes to self harm and stuff, I just feel like it's really serious and if you need help, talk to someone. But anyway, hope you like it. More to come.