Religious jokes

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If you're religious, sorry! These aren't made to offend. Personally, I'm an atheist
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One day there was a flood. A Christian who heavily believed in god prayed for help. A man came in a car and asked if he needed help. The Christian said,"No, God will help me." When the water has reached the first floor, another man comes in a canoe and asks him if he needs help. Again, the Christian says,"No, God will help me." The water has reached the second floor, and now the Christian is sitting on the roof. A third man comes in a helicopter and asks if he needs a ride. The Christian still refuses help, only saying that God would help him. In the end, the Christian dies. When he goes to heaven, he asks God,"Why have you forsaken me in the time of my need?" God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent you three chances!"

An atheist was swimming in the ocean when a shark starts swimming toward him, and is going to eat him. The atheist screams,"God, help me please!" Suddenly, God appears and asks,"Why should I help if you have never believed in me?" The atheist replies,"I've never believed that a shark was going to eat me either, but it still came!" "True," says God,"I will grant you one request then." The atheist thinks, then says," I wish the shark was a good Christian!!" Suddenly, the shark stops, puts his hands together in a prayer, and says,"Thank you God, for giving me food."

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So how was that? Not too bad?

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