Chapter 9: Lost

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EDITED: 7/13/15 ✓

Chapter 9: Relapse

I began packing up my books quickly as my first art class came to a bittersweet end. I had thoroughly enjoyed Mr. Brooks introductory to sketching lesson and if I thought about it, I also found myself beginning to thoroughly appreciate Mr. Brooks himself. He was an enthusiastic, yet patient man that seemed to be equally passionate about art and his student's futures.

"See you around, Blondie," Alec tapped my arm as he passed by and shot me an allusive smile. I gave him a tight-lipped smile before shooting my gaze back toward my backpack. I really couldn't put my finger on it, but the guy was beginning to give me goosebumps.

"Uh, hey," Matt laughed awkwardly as he came to stand in front of me. I snapped my head up and flushed as I watched him narrow his eyes and stare at Alec's back as he exited the classroom. I had a good feeling that Matt and Alec were far from friends.

"Hi, again," I swallowed and slowly swung my bag onto my shoulder.

"Are you ready for lunch? Do you need to stop by your locker?" Matt asked as he withdrew his gaze from the door and toward me. His eyes softened considerably in the short redirection of his attention.

I suddenly felt slightly nauseous with the thought of carrying out my upcoming act.

"Um... do you think it'd be possible if we could talk for a moment? I have to tell you something." I was thankful that my voice held an emotionless tone.

"Of course... yea," Matt nodded quickly as he suddenly leaned toward me. I felt my breath hitch as he reached up and placed his warm palm on my forearm. "Is everything okay?" He whispered, frowning in concern. I was suddenly caught off guard; he could see right through me. "Does this have something to do with Alec Campbell?" Matt questioned randomly, sending me reeling. Alec?

"No, not at all." I blinked, shaking my head quickly. "Why would it?" I asked, confused.

"It... wouldn't, sorry. I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. That was unfair," Matt sighed, looking a bit frustrated with his own actions. "Tell me, what's up?" Matt continued, changing his tone from edgy to tender.

"Um..." I started as he and I began walking together out of the room and into the hall. After making it around one corner, I then stopped and pressed my shoulder against the nearest locker. I knew I would probably feel my knees quake without some sort of solid support.

"What is it, Sophia?" Matt asked as I froze up for another minute. I distantly saw his hand move toward mine so I quickly folded my arms across my chest. Just say it! I closed my eyes for a brief second as another wave of uncertainty washed over me. However, I accepted that I just needed to rip off this Band-Aid quickly and get on with my life.

"Sorry Matt," I began, opening my eyes and giving him a phony smile. "I just want to be honest with you and say that what happened yesterday was pretty unexpected. I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I just don't feel that way about you." Those small words caused my heart to drop and a tiny bead of sweat to collect at my temples. I was doing everything in my power to stay calm and collected through this tense conversation. However, the darker part of me drove my anxiety toward frightening levels. "And I appreciate you and your friends being so welcoming yesterday, but this whole thing between you and I just makes things... difficult. Right? Look, I've been through this sort of thing before..." no I haven't... "and it always ends badly. So yep, that's that. Sorry again, but thank you for inviting me over - you have a really beautiful home," I finished, faking another bright smile. I was in complete turmoil as I continued to watch Matt's eyebrows crinkle together with a look of both concern and confusion crossing his features.

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