22:Something You Should Know

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Something You Should Know

Hi everyone,

Warning: This is not a chapter but it is important to me that you read it and understand why I'm not uploading frequently.

I know you're all expecting for this to be an update. Some of you might be really upset or annoyed to see that it's just a note from me, that one author who doesn't update for months. I'm sorry to have disappointed you. There's a five page chapter all written down in my Wattpad folder and I was going to post it but then I realised I needed to post this first.

There are a lot of reasons why I haven't been regular with my posts in the past year and even this year. Despite the numerous promises I made to myself that I would update my stories more regularly in 2016, I've failed to do so but it's not because of a lack of trying. Believe me I've tried, I've tried so hard to just sit down one day and smash out a good quality chapter in a matter of hours. I could do that for TBBG, I loved working on TBBG and it made me happier than I'd been in a long time.

But something changed and I've lost that happiness, today I'd like to share that with you guys. If you're not interested, you're free to exit the story now and maybe come back when I finally post the chapter I've been meaning to post for ages. But if you'd like to hear my side of the story, and if you'd like to hear me explain why I haven't been writing lately please read ahead.

If you didn't know this already, then I'd like to share that I've been trying to get TBBG published for nearly two years now. When I was given the opportunity to share my work with some of the most amazing publishing houses out there, I was over the moon. It was an unexpected turn in my Wattpad journey and I could never have imagined all those wonderful editors reading my work. I mean I was just a college kid who wrote teen fiction on the side and had formed an incredible bond with the Wattpad community. I was overjoyed, so happy that I couldn't stop smiling for weeks on end. For me this was my big shot at becoming an author, a dream I'd always had but never imagined would actually come true.

And guess what? It didn't.

Nearly two years and all I've had are rejections. When the first rejection came in weeks after TBBG had been submitted to publishing houses, I was hurt but told myself that there were plenty of other publishing houses left. At least one of them would see what all of you see in my work. But it got rejected by every big publishing house. I was devastated but still had hope. At this point, I couldn't believe that no one thought my book was good enough to publish, not one person. I mean you guys were all so incredible to me on a daily basis, you loved my work, you loved the characters. I was doing something right, right? But I was proven wrong again.

We moved to the smaller publishing houses and all I got were rejections again. No one wanted my book. No one cared about the fact that it had crossed over 100 million reads, over 2 million votes, that I had a loyal, steady following of more than 250,000 people.

I won't go into a lot of details about the logistics of why things didn't work out, they just didn't. Maybe my book wasn't good enough, maybe I needed to work on it a lot more, maybe I could try again. I kept all of these things in mind but please try and imagine what that kind of rejection does to a person. When you have such high hopes, when you think your dream is within your reach and it just doesn't happen. That took something away from me, perhaps permanently. To put yourself out there only to know that in the professional world you're not good enough brings you the worst kind of pain. I'm not asking for sympathy or pity, I'm just stating the frame of mind I was in while writing TBBH.

I know most of you will offer a lot of kind words, a lot of praise and support and I love you guys for that. But please know that I'm not writing this for the sake of getting that praise. I know that if you've stuck with me so far, you've done so because you see something good in my writing. At the darkest times, I think that was what pulled me through and it's what still makes me open up a word document and attempt to write a few lines each day. I'm not depressed, I was very close to a breaking point but I think I've reached a level of peace where I'm not obsessing daily over whether or not my book gets published. I was that person for MONTHS, I had all my notifications on, I would check my email incessantly, every single day I hoped I'd receive an email that would change my life but it never come. This went on for just over a year.

But I've now come to accept the fact that just because The Bad Boy's Girl worked on Wattpad, doesn't mean it'll work in real life. The publishing industry is a tough one, there are so many brilliant, talented writers out there who never get to see their books on shelves. I guess what sucks for me was that I had the opportunity to make my work reach the editors of the best publishing houses, for them to take the time to read it only to arrive to the conclusion that it just wasn't what they were looking for. It hurts, it used to hurt a lot more but I think with time I've gotten a lot better at dealing with it.

I'm sure being rejected is a fairly common practice in the industry. But I was a total newbie, I didn't know how things work and I still don't know. So for me, yeah it did pretty much seem like the end of the world. I won't lie, sometimes it still feels that way. But I'm so grateful for other opportunities that have come my way. TBBG is being published in foreign languages, it's doing so well in Spain and I'm part of the Imagines anthology with thirty brilliant Wattpad authors that's being released soon. I'm blessed to have received such opportunities and I'll never take them for granted.

But think of TBBG as my child and think of what it feels like to have so many people tell you that your child isn't good enough, to have them reject years worth of your hard work. That really, really hurts and it's taken me a long time to reach a point where it doesn't hurt as much. Please don't call me a drama queen or trivialise how I feel. I know there are worst things to experience in the world, believe me I do but this whole process has taken a lot from me. Two years and I'm still dealing with the hurt of rejection. I guess I wanted to write this just a) because it's cathartic and I was tired of bottling it all up b) you guys deserve to know why I don't update as frequently.

That said, my foreign language deals are all for more than two books in the TBBG series which means I will be completing this book and writing a third, perhaps a fourth one. I'd been considering not posting book 3 and book 4 on Wattpad but I realised that it wouldn't be fair to you all so I will, I guess when the time comes. I've even been looking into self publishing because I do have some faith in my work, faith in the book that you've all shown so much love to. Will that ever materialise into an actual book? I don't know but I will try. I take breaks from Wattpad for the sake of my own sanity, I cannot overthink this and end up feeling sorry for myself, it's not healthy and I really hope you all understood why I disappear at times.

I hope this made some sense and I hope some of you understand. I love you guys, I love Wattpad and what it has allowed me to do with my life. I'll always be here, always keep writing and always posting even if it takes some time.

Also, if you've reached the end: Thank you so so much for taking the time out to read this but please don't bring this up on Twitter or Instagram. I'd like for us to have any conversations here in the comments section because that feels more private, if that makes sense at all.

Love you guys,


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