Chapter 37: Useless

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November 7th 2016


I regret it the minute I say it. I know they're not flirting, they're just getting along. I guess after Alec came out as bi-sexual to me, I can't help but see him as a threat. Noah and I may not be together, but that doesn't mean I don't want us together. That definitely doesn't mean I can handle the thought of him being with some one else either. 

I spend a little while at my locker, dwindling till the bell goes for Homeroom. Then head towards the classroom slowly,  making it just as the second bell goes . "Hey man, what was all that about?" Jaxon queries as I take my seat next to him. 

"What d'ya mean?" I ask, playing ignorant to his question.

"The whole we're going to be late thing to Noah" He says, not buying my play dumb act.

"He was jealous of the fact that Noah wasn't paying attention to him. He's too interested in Alec now." Lexi chimes in with her insight. 

"I was not jealous of Alec and Noah isn't paying him any extra attention, he just wants to get his grades back up. Believe it or not it's not easy keeping them perfect."

"He into Alec now" Lexi coos, dismissing everything else that I said.

"Why do you think that?" I say nonchalantly, trying my best to fake uninterested.

"By the way he looks at him. I've watched him literally eye-rape poor Alec. Can't blame him though, Alec is hot and since he swings both ways he totally could do that body" Lexi says indifferently as she fixes her nails. I'm grateful she isn't paying any attention to me or she would be able to read the devastation painted across my face. 

I clumsily laugh at a failed attempt to hide the hurt in my voice. "Yeah, maybe that would be good for them. Alec is hot and both of them are too sweet for their own good. Honestly though I don't care if he likes Alec. Im the one who asked for us to be just friends remember? I have no right to be jealous." and thats the truth- I don't have any right.   


I'm grateful when lunch finally rolls around. I'm starving and I  haven't been able to focus on any of my lessons. Noah wasn't in English and I haven't seen him all day, I'm concerned about him. He got out of the hospital yesterday, what if all of this was too much for him? what if he collapsed again? 

I make it to the cafeteria in search of Kate for some answers.  I near her usual table to see one happy, smiling and laughing Noah. But that's not what stops me in my tracks. It's him being happy, smiling and laughing with Alec. Sitting right there next to him. The pit in my stomach from earlier that was from concern about Noah tightens. But this time its tightening for a whole new reason. 

"Come join us Silva" Kate says waving me over to her table. Leaving me the seat on the other side of Noah. I take the seat and am greeted with a bunch of "hellos" I nod in response. Then turn to Noah "where were you in English. I was concerned you collapsed or something." I ask sternly, not even caring if I come across rude or gruff. 

Noah offers me a small smile, "I'm fine, there's no need to worry about me Damian" He responds politely. I want to scream at him to stop calling me Damian. Silver is his name for me, he's the only one allowed to call me that, and thats all he's allowed to call me (unless its some other cute pet name). But I don't because I'm the one who asked for us to just be friends, I'm the one that caused the end of our relationship if I can call it that. 

"That still doesn't answer where you were. I haven't seen you around all day." I point out. At this Noah cheeks colour that cute shade of pink they go. 

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