You know that feeling of being utterly alone in a room surrounded by people? Celeste knew that feeling well. She had known what it felt like to be surrounded by people and yet feel so alone. It was a feeling she had dealt with for a long time but she wasn't used to it anymore. Not like she once had been. Nate had helped her with that. He had made her feel again and now she wished he hadn't. The pain was raw, jagged. A blade piercing her heart, tearing it with every beat.
As she sat amongst her brother and closest friends all she could think about doing was running. She wanted to run away if even for a little while just to get some time for herself. Cece was grateful to her friends for all that they had done for her the night before. But now? Oh, how she wanted to be alone.
Nina's voice broke through her thoughts. "I can not believe that you got into every single college and university that you applied for."
"Not to mention all the ones you didn't apply for and yet you got accepted into them as well." Maddie added
"Well, I'm just glad I got into college." Hunter sighed
"That was the only college you applied to," said Jay "You could have gotten into any you wanted to with your grades."
"Yeah, well I don't even know what I want to do with my life." he shrugged
"Better start figuring it out," Aaron began "You're last year in high school is almost over. You guys have what? A little over a month left? A couple weeks of doing pretty much nothing, finals then 2 weeks of nothing till graduation."
"Aaron is right," Nina grinned "We don't have to be in school for those 2 weeks. What are we going to do?"
"I'm leaving" Celeste whispered, finally speaking. "As soon as finals are over, I'm leaving."
"What?" Aaron asked "Where are you going to go?"
"Tour some campuses," she shrugged "Get away for a while. If I could leave right now, I would."
"Look, we all know you aren't leaving to go and tour a college campus," Nina sighed "I understand that you're hurting right now but running away isn't going to make it better."
"You couldn't possibly understand,"
"I do," Nina insisted
"No you don't. You have no idea how it feels to have the person you love turn their back on you. You do not understand what it's like to feel like your suffocating every time you take a breath. You have no freaking clue how I feel knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what I say none of it is going to matter because in the end Nate made his choice and he chose not to accept my help. Do you know how it feels to walk out of a room knowing that you left your heart behind? Do you know how it feels to love someone so damn much that you let them tear your heart apart just to let them go? No, Nina, you have to freaking idea. None of you could fathom how I am feeling right now. Now, if it's alright with you all, I'd like for you to leave."
Celeste turned her back on those dearest to her and went back to her room. The next two weeks were going to be the longest in her life. Who knew if Nate was going to come back to school. What she did know, was seeing him if he showed up would make dealing with the pain that much worse. It hadn't even been twenty four hours since she had walked out of his room but it felt like a life time ago. Maybe one day it wouldn't hurt so bad. Maybe one day she would be able to look back and say that it made her a stronger person. But that wasn't going to be today. Or tomorrow. Or even next week. But maybe - hopefully - one day.
