My Mind Known As My Asylum

Cries

One day when I was all alone in this house, I cried.

It was the first time I cried without worrying if anyone could hear.

I screamed and cried my eyes out for the first time in a very long time.

I read that it was good to let it go, but it don't feel like it.

After so many screeches and cries into my empty house, they went silent. The tears didn't stop. My throat became so sore, but I wasn't done so they went silent.

Awhile after that, the tears stopped. I sat on the cold floor where I dropped to my knees. I stared straight ahead into nothing. Breathing in and out, fast and hard at first then eventually my breaths evened out. But I stayed sitting. It was like I was unable to move. I was cold and tired, but I didn't move.

I felt dead inside. I didn't feel better like it said. I felt way worse.

I could hear my phone keep going off in the background. That was the only sound I heard.

Once I was able to move, my movements were slow. It's like I couldn't do anything fast just slow. I was still shaking to. I felt so weak.

To feel like this was odd. I never felt so.....dead? I don't really know how to exactly describe it.

I got a bath after, I didn't do much but sit there in the warm bath in the dark, with my knees hugged to my chest.

Once I was out, if I stayed quite and still I could hear my cries as they bounced off the walls. Not as loud, but like they didn't travel away.

Their like stuck inside my tiny house, only I can hear them. Even months later I can still hear, if it's quite enough.

I feel like I'm going crazy?

Its suppose to be good to let it out.

It made me feel worse.

Why?