Oh, and need to add before anything, I dedicated to her ^^ because she gave me my one thousandth vote!!! Thanks hun, love ya :)
Thought I'd add this in, just because I find some of the Facebook likes hilarious, and most are completely true too, so hope you like them! :)
Me: “You ask.”
Friend: “No, you ask!”
Me: “Will you please ask?”
Friend: “Why can't you ask?”
Me: “Fine… Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!"
"When I was a kid, if you had a box of 64 crayons, you were DA BOMB."
*wakes up first* Great... I'll just sit here and wait.
*Beats them with a pillow* "WAKE THE F*CK UP IM HUNGRY!"
"*EVERY MORNING* Me: I really cant stay!..........Bed: But baby, its cold outside!"
☑ Hitler (Done)
☑ Saddam Hussein (Done)
☑ Osama Bin Laden (Done)
☐ Justin bieber (Today)
☐ Rebecca black (Friday) - Hehe, had to add it! xD
"Teacher: Can you see God? Class: No. Teacher: Can you touch God? Class: No. Teacher: Then there isn't a God! Student: Sir, can you see your brain? Teacher: No. Student: Can you touch your brain? Teacher: No. Student: Oh ok so you have no brain?" I'm an atheist but this is still funny.
"My Little Sister Told Me A Story Of What Happened In Her School The Other Day.
Her teacher asked a boy named Billy, "Look, the equation is simple. I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 bottles in the other. What do I have?
The boy answered: A Drinking problem?"
"Dear parents, Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinnochio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. You can't blame us. We were taught to rebel since a young age"
"Guy: Want to go out?
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Guy: I have a math test tomorrow.
Guy: Sorry, I thought we were naming things we could cheat on."
"I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod."
"Don't you hate it when you're texting lying down on your bed and all of a sudden your phone decides to be ninja and slips through your hands and attacks your face?"
"I have tattoos, so I'm a trouble maker. I have curves, so I'm fat. If I wear makeup, I'm fake. If I say what I think, I'm a b|tch. If I cry some times, I'm a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I'm a slut. If I stand up for myself, I'm mouthy. Seems like you can't do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I give a crap. Re-post this if you're proud of who you are!"
"Your car is Japanese. Your Vodka is Russian. Your pizza is Italian. Your kebab is Turkish. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Brazilian. Your Beers are German. Your shirt is Indian. Your oil is Saudi Arabian. Your electronics are Chinese. Your numbers -Arabic, your letters -Latin. And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant? Like if you're against racism."
"No you're right. I mistook our endless conversations, your sweet texts, the compliments, and our amazing moments for you liking me. My bad."
"The teacher asks Timmy "Why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"
"Boy : Do u wanna go out with me?
Girl : Nahhhhhhhhhhhh
Boy : Did u hear what i just said?
Girl : Yeah.
Boy : What did i say?
Girl : Do you want to go out with me?
Boy :Yes" -
Age 6 --"Excuse me please"
Age 8 --"Can you scoot over"
Age 10 --"Move over please"
Age 13 --"Dude move"
Age 15 --"Get the hell out of my way!!"
Age 16 --*Shoves against a wall*
Edward Cullen: is bored :[
- Jasper: Where's Bella?
- Edward: On her period.
- Bella: Don't just tell everyone that I'm on my period! :/
- Edward: Why? You are.
- Bella: Well I don't tell everyone you sparkle like a f*cking fairy in the sun or that you won't f*ck my brains out until we're married even though I'm so up for it. You're not a real vampire! You're just a f*cking sparkly emo BITCH!
Bella has changed her relationship status to single.
- Jacob likes this.
YOU ARE READING
Awesome Quotes, Comebacks, and Insults!Random
Love quotes? You have come to the right place my friend. Like a lot of readers/nerds/internet addicts I am in love with some of the quotes I find from places like TV shows, books, bands, inspirational famous people, and the like. You'll find some...