Never Saw It Coming

Haunted

~Taylor POV~ 

Tonight will be better, I promise myself as I'm lifted to the stage. I hear the crowd screaming my name; they must love me so much that they're starting to act insane. I go song by song through the set list acting like everything's totally fine my self esteem is as high as can be, but there is something that refuses to leave me alone. 

It started at the meet and greet. Her name was Riley, if I remember correctly and she said something that completely stunned me. It was one phrase and now I don't know when I'll be okay again because this girl, Riley, she isn't like other fans. Well, she did hug me and said 'I love you' to me, but what she did after was different. She didn't ask for a follow or Retweet on Twitter, but, instead looked me deep in the eye and in the most innocent voice I've ever heard said, "I ship you and Grant. I did when you first met; I do so now and will ship Graylor until my last breath." That was when the security brought in the next VIP ticket holder and Riley was forced to move along so I never got the chance to respond to her honest opinion. 

I now want to play something else for the secret song, but we've already agreed on Tied Together With A Smile and mom suggested we play it. She must have had some special reason. Is she really that worried about me?

'What if? ' a thought pops out of nowhere that cause me to almost slip and fall into the pit. 

"Ooohhhh," I hear from the crowd. They must think I'm high on drugs tonight. Well, let them think what they want. They don't know the truth and even if they did, someone would decide to spice it up and create a humiliating rumour.  

Is there really nothing I can do? Should I start following and tweeting my fans like other celebrities do? That's just going to get more hate directed at me. 

Today may not be a good day, but life goes on. Tomorrow may be the day my future husband knocks on the door.. I blush remembering what Riley said to me. 

"Haylor's over, you can stop blushing now!!!" I hear someone call out from a little too close. 

My knees get weak. I feel like puking. I begin to lose consciousness for the third time today. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. My eyelids start slowly closing. 

Just then, I see him. I see Grant. Wearing his usual weird shoes that I absolutely adore. From simply looking at him I have the energy needed to stay strong tonight. Perhaps, one day, we will have ten kids and teach them how to dream. 

Wait a minute... where did that come from? I am never marrying Grant.  Not even in my wildest dreams, well, maybe. This thought now makes me want to break down crying in his arms. IN HIS ARMS? Yes. I need professional help now. This love is never ever going to work, I try to burn into my brain. I remember what happened in the past when I fell in love. It broke me. Every damn time. I won't be able to handle that alone. And the comments that come as a package deal with the breakups nowadays... I want someone I can love forever, but who? I love Grant and that's all I know now, all I've known these years, but was too scared to admit. I start to question myself: Am I really fearless? I am. I shouldn't be afraid of being in love, but I am. 

"Okay, Taylor, you can think about this later. You're performing right now. Focus on that," I lecture myself silently. 

I sing Tied Together With A Smile and everybody holds up hand heart. Well, maybe excluding a few people. I turn around and Grant is doing a hand heart too. Oh my gosh! I love him so much!! "I ship you and Grant," these words still echo in my mind. Why does life have to be so difficult? I ship me and Grant too, but I don't need any more hate; It's not helping my self esteem. 

I let a tear roll down my face and hear crowd go silent. I catch a glimpse of mom's shocked face and notice that she's in tears too. Why did I just do this? I know how hard it is for mom to see me cry. I remember middle school when I came home crying every day. I used to think that fame would make everything different. And it did. At least for a while when I wasn't too famous and everybody loved me, but ever since I became a slut, or so they say, people don't think I deserve any love. But what did I do that was so horrible? Date someone's husband that isn't even aware of their existence? I only dated six people in the last seven years! There are some twelve-year-olds who have a boyfriend a month. 

I can't cry now. I force myself to think of Meredith and all the good times that await to prevent the tears from flowing. I fake a smile and it makes me feel a bit better, but what I really need is Grant to hug me tight and tell me it will be okay. Yeah. I need Grant. I walk back to the main stage and permit myself a few quick stares in Grant's direction. 

I hear the crowd awe. Are they thinking about me and Grant? No. The stares couldn't have been that obvious. It's probably because there was no Everything Has Changed. Again. I used to think Ed was my best friend, but now everything has changed for us, too. Lately, he's been acting like he's hopelessly in love with me. I don't understand why, but we can't have a proper conversation without him trying to kiss me between every word. What exactly happened? I never want to lose Ed so there's no way I'm ever going to date him. But Ed's recent behaviour is making me want to end this friendship for good and I suppose I will do just that after the Red Tour is over.  

I moan backstage as they change me into my outfit for All Too Well. It's such a depressing song to play and makes me cry pretty much every time I perform it live. I will not cry tonight. I will show the world that I can be strong and I will be strong. 

My predictions have gone horribly wrong and there are visible tears streaming down my face before I am even halfway done. The crowd goes completely silent and just stands holding a hand heart. That gives me the strength I need to stop myself from breaking down sobbing in front of the whole audience. 

I finish without letting many more tears roll down my cheeks. But as they lower the piano platform down, I begin to weep. Grant somehow gets the hint to do a five minute guitar solo so I have some time to calm down. 

"I could just marry Grant right now and never regret it," I suddenly tell my startled makeup artist. 

"What?! Do you mean Grant the guitarist?" 

"Uh, nothing. I was just thinking out loud," I say, but she is nowhere near convinced. 

"Thinking out loud? So you're actually thinking of marrying him? I can't wait until the media hears this!" she jokes, but I notice a hint of seriousness in her voice.

"Please keep this quiet," I beg, "I really can't handle anything anymore." 

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry," she stammers, "I don't know what came across me. I know you were just joking." 

"By the way," I hear the girl say to herself as my platform starts to rise, "Grant and Taylor are super cute together!" 

I try not to blush and am back on stage.

I finish the show with We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together and the crowd goes wild. It really lifts my mood a bit. I even manage to go through a whole song without once turning to look at Grant. Such an improvement, I congratulate myself. I didn't even have a single thought about him during the end of the show. Except for now.

I pick up a heart shaped piece of confetti and throw it at the crowd hoping Riley would catch it and accept my way of saying thank you. Without this girl I wouldn't have realized that what I have been looking for and really need has been here all this time. 'I love you Riley' I mouth and close my eyes. 

When I open them again and look around I am already backstage once again surrounded by familiar faces. I am experiencing mixed feelings about the past few hours and all of today.