I looked at him in confusion, before realising what he thought. "Oh, no. Harry doesn't know."

Niall glared up at me in confusion. "What? Did you not tell him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know how to. I'm scared."

"Well he deserves to know!" Niall's tone rose with each syllable, and he looked angry now. I remained curled into myself, thinking easily, distractedly about how his accent twisted every sentence into an amusing little limerick.

"What would he say, Niall?" I replied quietly, "What would I say? Oh, hey, Harry I'm sort of a little pregnant. But don't panic, it might not even be yours! He doesn't need me messing him about, I've done enough of that."

"What if it is his? He needs to know about it."

I shook my head tiredly. Niall didn't understand - he didn't know how often I'd repeated all these arguments to myself again and again inside my head, going through every crevice and corner of my mind, every option I had, every reason, every cause. I'd made my decision. An abortion was simple, and it meant nobody got hurt, and nobody got their hopes up. There would be no awkward revelations to make, no paternity tests, no complicated legal proceedings or custody agreements. I would never have to face the fact that I might be carrying Josh's baby, a baby I wholly and absolutely did not want. Harry would never have to feel obliged to make it work with me, simply because I was the mother of his child, never have to feel pressured into taking me back even though I was a useless nuisance who'd hurt him over and over. Abortion was my way out of all the complicated consequences.

"He might not even want it," I argued with Niall, "He doesn't need me fucking his life up further with an unwanted baby."

"He would want to know," Niall told me firmly, "I would, if it were my baby. Are you just gonna abort his child without even telling him?"

"It's the easiest way," I reasoned logically, "everything goes back to normal and he gets to live his life without me getting in his way."

Niall's eyes were boring into me now. I looked up at him timidly as he stood from the sofa, tea long forgotten, hands tangled in frustration in his blonde hair. He was shouting now, but I barely noticed. I stirred my tea absentmindedly.

"Grow up, Tamara!" he yelled, "You know, not everything is about you? Harry deserves a say too. And, you can't just make this all go back to normal. It's a baby, a living thing, not some stupid interference with no thoughts or feelings. If it belongs to him, it's his flesh and blood, his baby...he needs to know!"

"But what if I tell him and it turns out to not even be his?" I raged back, finally snapping. Niall thought he knew everything, thought he had the moral high ground, making me feel like a heartless bitch for wanting rid of it. But he hadn't thought it all through. He didn't know how much I cared for Harry. I didn't want to break the poor boy's heart again, for it to end in a termination anyway.

"At least he knows," Niall replied weakly. "At least he had a chance."

"No," I spat back, "You know what happens then? Harry's torn up inside because he built his hopes up for a baby that doesn't belong to him. I still have to get an abortion. I don't even know if I want this baby myself, Niall. I have a life, a career...even if it is Harry's, I left him because I'm fucked up in the head and I needed time to myself. Is having a baby with him a good idea? Is me having a baby a good idea, full stop? I can barely take care of myself..."

"Harry would be there for you," Niall promised idly. "I know he'd do the right thing."

"What if he doesn't even want it? It could ruin his life."

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