Dean Speaks: Online Dating

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How Boys Speak

So in case you haven’t realized, each of us are quite the jokers and do random shit all the time. This book will give you an insight on topics like online dating, ex partners, Facebook whore etc. etc. We do prank calls, internet trolling, mini interviews and personal confessions in each chapter.

This time each one of us (Dean, Clyde, Roger, Brandon and I) will right up a chapter and then I’ll post it on here. It’s really simple and I hope you enjoy it!

Dean Speaks: Dating Online

Everyone has thought about dating online, right? I mean it’s so much better. You don’t have to go through awkward moments or even have to worry about whether the person has similar characteristics as you because all those kind of things are on a fucking profile before you even know it.

Hell you can even punch my name into Google and find out what school I went to and where about I live. Now, let’s face the facts- dating online has some serious issues.

So once I saw this girl on Facebook who lived in another continent and we hit it off. Unfortunately, there were a few things that crossed my mind

1.)    This girl could be Reece trying to fuck me over

2.)    She could be a man

3.)    She could be a psychotic asshole who thinks all guys should live life without penaynays.

4.)    She could be a 70 year old woman (my nana maybe?)

5.)    She could be a 10 year old fucking twit.

I really hoped she wasn’t number 2 because that would just be fucked up. So anyway I never actually continued our little relationship because I was too scared this girl could be a 20 year old idiot who was bored with his fucking life and tired of wanking in his room all day. (I’m talking about Reece by the way and if you remove this comment Reece, I’ll find out.)

Anyway in the midst of all this we decide to prank a phone dating site, just to have a look at exactly what kind of perverts there are out there, so enjoy!

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Voice Operator: We are currently looking for your next available match. (I chose man seeking woman, I’ll troll the gay line after this)

*Really weird boom-chicka-wah-wah song plays while I’m on hold*

Dean: Hurry up! I’m hornay!

Voice Operator: You have been connected. (Finally.)

Girl: Heylo? (She kind of puts on a deep musky voice- her attempt to sex me out obviously)

Dean: Yo, man.

Girl: Hey, waz your name, hun?

Dean: Name’s Donna. (LOL)

Girl: What? (Points to her for realizing it was a girl’s name)

Dean: Donna, my name is Donna.

*Silence*

Dean: Heylo’ babay? You hear me, dawg? (Clyde laughs in the background like a retard)

Girl: Yeah, I can hear you. My name is Diamond. (Yeah right. I’m sure her mother decided to name her a common stripper name.)

Dean: Diamond? That’s hot babay. So what cho wearing?

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