Corruption™ (Punk Harry Styles)

Chapter Fifty

Today I was moving my things to a new apartment. I couldn’t bare the burden of being reminded of what I lost in this place every day. I lost the two things I cared about most. First it was Harry, then it was our baby.

I took my time getting back to the apartment because I didn’t want to go back inside there ever again. But I had to in order to get my things.

When I reached the door, I noticed someone walking down the hall. I wasn’t sure if I was right, but I had to know. My heart was pumping so fast when I saw him. I needed to at least see how he was doing.

I’m sure he was fine. He probably found a new girlfriend or got a new girl to protect. I surely wasn’t on his mind. Why would I be? I didn’t deserve to be thought about by anyone and I didn’t deserve happiness either.

That was clear to me now and I was in the process of accepting my eternal misery, but seeing him gave me that rush of hope. I knew it would be too good to be true for him to ever forgive me, but I at least wanted to know that he was okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Harry’s POV

 

“That baby was yours,” she said completely avoiding eye contact with me by looking at the ground.

“What? How?”

“That pregnancy test was wrong. I had her in November.”

“Can I…can I see her?”

“Um…” her voice was cracking and I could tell she was crying already, “No…you can’t…because she died.”

“You’re lying…you have to be…”

My eyes were getting glassy with tears. I never cry, but this…I can’t handle this.

“Please tell me you’re lying…” I said hoping she would say just that.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I…I tried to save her…but she just stopped breathing…” I watched as she let herself fall to the floor, “She just stopped breathing.”

I slid down the wall next to me, covering my face with my hands. This can’t be happening. I have to be dreaming. I hope that I’m dreaming.

Would it have been different if I were there? Would our baby still be alive if I hadn’t stayed away? Was this my fault? Why didn’t I know she was pregnant when she was so moody? I should have known. She was never like that before.

This is so much worse than when she didn’t actually have the baby. Yeah that sucked, but this was just…this isn’t the same. It hurts…a lot.

First I lost the girl, now I lost our child. I didn’t even get to see her…hold her…talk to her. I didn’t even fucking know she existed.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flinched; I didn’t expect her to touch me, let alone even come near me.

“I’m sorry,” she cried, “I’m really sorry…I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

She’s blaming herself? All this time I’ve been sitting in a hotel room dreaming that one day she would come find me when really she was so depressed that she probably didn’t do anything at all.

“It’s not your fault,” I struggled to say without my voice cracking.

“Yes it is. Something has to be wrong with me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me…I couldn’t live with you hating me…”

“You know that I would never hate you.”

“I’m sure you hate me now. It’s okay…I hate me too.”

“No. No, I don’t hate you. It’s not your fault so stop making yourself believe that it is.”

“How can you even say that? How do you know that it isn’t my fault?”

I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say to make her believe that it wasn’t her fault. She said she stopped breathing; she didn’t do that, it happened.

The hallway grew quiet except for quiet sniffling. I haven’t removed my hands from my face; I don’t want her to see me cry, she’ll just feel worse. I probably shouldn’t care what she feels since she broke my heart, but I do, I can’t help it.

Why does this have to happen? Why does everything good I have in my life leave or die? Did I really fuck up that bad when I was younger to deserve this?

The damn tears wouldn’t stop coming. I started breathing harder and the pain in my chest just kept growing. There was already a hole in my chest when she kicked me out and called off the engagement, but now it’s even bigger.

I never thought of what it would be like to lose a child; I never even thought I would have one. Then I fell for her and everything changed; something inside of me changed.

I wanted to say stupid shit just to hear her laugh. I loved when I annoyed her with sarcasm because she tried to be mad at me but it never worked. I wanted to see her smile as often as I could. I wanted to kiss her, stay the night with her just to wake up to her face in the morning. I hated the morning, but she made me look forward to it. I wanted to be the one to cheer her up when she was sad. I wanted to watch her fall asleep. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and keep her there forever.

She should be mine. She could’ve been mine. I want her to be mine, but it’s too late. If she wanted me back she would have apologised and she didn’t. But that’s what always happens to me. They love me, and then they leave me. Just like my family.

Um...some people are saying they don't want them to get back together...I don't know what to do...Do you think they should get back together?