Chapter 15

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I stand there, just staring at him. All the emotions that I thought I had in control, break free all at once. I feel like slapping him, yelling at him but my brain is numb and I don't know how to react. I wasn't ready for this. I just do what I do best. Run. I try to walk past him but he grabs my arm and pulls me back. I wriggle my arm from his grip and distance myself from him. If he hadn't cheated me I would have said the expression on his face was of pain and guilt. Hah. All faking it again!

"Sam please, hear me out. Just once. Please. I can't even tell you how much I missed you." He says and I scoff. If I have to face him, I might as well do it now since he is back.

"You know what Chase, there is nothing for you to say and for me to hear. There is nothing and absolutely nothing that you could say to justify all the hurt and pain that you have given me. So I advise you to not to waste your and my time because I'm getting late for my class." I say and walk off. Chase tries to stop me but I keep walking. I don't want to stay there another second. I see people staring with curious gazing and also some whispers. But that's bound to happen. Its the favorite hobby of the high schoolers. Talk and gossip about other people's business all the time.

I enter the class just in time, panting and all flustered. I don't go sit at my usual place, instead, I take a seat in the last row at the back. My head drops on the desk. I can't believe he is back. Just as I thought everything was falling back into place, Chase had to return. To mess up everything and take away the happiness I was feeling after so long. The more I think about my encounter with him, the more the memories pop up. We had been together for so long. And I had always thought he was the one for me. But it was all a dream world that I was living in. A dream that shattered me and my heart into pieces.

 I take deep breaths and look up when Mr.Waters enters the classroom. Everyone greets him and my eyes lock into Xavier's. He has turned and is looking at me questioningly. I pull my eyes away and settle down and remove my books. The teachers starts to explain but I can't concentrate. I don't feel like doing anything but go home or to mom. I still drag my brain to solve one or two problems and then after what seems like ages, the class gets over. I quickly leave and move to my next class.

The day passes by agonizingly slow and I almost loose it when finally the last bell rings. I walk to my car but see Bella and Carly standing there with concerned expressions. They know it.

"Sam, Letsare you okay?" Carly asks genuinely concerned and I nod with a small smile.

"Did you meet him? I mean did he come to talk?" Bella asks and I nod in affirmation. They are about to say something but I cut off.

"Guys guys. I know you are both worried for me but I just need to go home now. I'm absolutely fine and believe me, nothing much happened when Chase approached me. I promise we will talk later but right now, I just wanna go home. Okay?" I say holding my voice that's threatening to quiver.

"But Sam-" Bella begins but Carly cuts her.

"No Bella. I think Sam's right. She needs to go home and digest everything. Let'snot corner her right now. But we will talk about this tomorrow. Okay, Samantha?" Carly asks and I nod quickly. They both give me a last glance and then move away from my car. I get into the car and begin my journey home.

My tears are falling as I near my house. I see Xavier's car pull in his driveway just as I close the door. I rush up to my room and close the curtains. I then fall on the bed and cry my heart out. It seems like hours after which I feel I'm at the extinction of tears. My eyes feel dry and there is nothing coming out. At a point, I feel disgusted towards myself. Because I'm crying for a person who never cared for me. A person who loved messing up with people's feelings and that's exactly what he has come back to do. With a determination that I won't ever cry on Chase again, I get up and walk to my bathroom. I wash my face and try to lessen the redness of my now puffy eyes. I don't want mom or dad to see me like this. I call up dad and inform that I'll be leaving for the hospital soon. I'm just redoing my hair into a pony tail when my curtains are nudged. I walk to my window and draw the curtains. Xavier stands there and looks over my face, eyes locking into mine. I raise my eyebrows in question.

"Is Mrs.Collins fine?" He asks, standing there with an expression which I would call concern. It feels odd about the way he asks. Its as if he cares but I don't want to jump to conclusions.

"Yeah mom's good. Why are you asking though?" I ask though I know the answer. My eyes right now are a total give away I'm sure.

"Oh nothing. Um... mom told me to ask you as she is a little busy right now?" He says. I should have guessed it. Why would Xavier be concerned about me. I don't even care if he doesn't care. I nod at him and walk back into my room, putting my novel and classwork in to my bag for the hospital.I know I won't be coming back until night now so I better carry my homework. I give one last glance and look at Xavier sitting at his desk, writing something.

I reach the hospital and a part of me lights up again. I am still really upset about Chase's return but the idea of seeing mom again is itself enough to lighten my mood. I walk in to the hospital and then to my mother's room on the fourth floor. I go in and see dad sitting and typing some things on his laptop. He looks up when I enter.

"Sammy. How was school baby girl?" He asks and I feel like telling him everything.

"It was fine dad. Just the normal stuff." I reply though my day was anything but normal.

"Okay hun. I need to leave for the office now. I've got an important meeting. Take care and I'll be back at night. Okay?" He says, putting the laptop back in his bag and I answer him in affirmation. Dad leaves soon after placing a kiss on mumma's forehead.

I go and sit beside my mother. Her eyes are open and that gives me a sense of relief. Just like always. I start telling her about the day of course skipping the Chase part. She doesn't even know we broke up. Just like everyone she must be living in the illusion that Chase is the perfect guy for her daughter. I tuck the strand of stray hair away from her face and pick up a magazine. I read all the gossip I know mother would want to know and tell her. She stares blankly at me and I smile sadly. Just if she could move, or speak. Something. Anything. A gesture which would show she reacts to what we say. But alas! She can't. I keep caressing her head and soon she falls asleep. As she does that, I feel alone. It feels as if my last support just vanished and I halt my senseless train of thoughts. Mumma's just sleeping. Another wave of sadness passes over me but I decide to fight it.

Now that Chase is back and I have to face him almost everyday in school, I might as well prepare myself. If I ever fall weak in front of him, he will understand that my feelings for him still haven't changed. He will do everything then to mess up again and I being the stupid I am, might even trust him. And break my heart again. But no. I am not so dumb and weak. I can fight these brainless feelings and get over it. I never thought about moving on because Chase left. If he had been here, I would have fought these feelings right then. But he left and I could cry and fall weak. And that's exactly what I did. I drowned myself in self-pity and self-misery and there is no way I'm doing it again. He affects me but I don't have to show it. There are people who really love me and my feelings should be focused towards them and not a boy who broke my heart. I blink away the tears that threaten to flow and get up. I walk to the chair in the opposite corner and remove my class work. I won't have distracting thoughts if I'm busy. I remove my phone and use the calculator for the math problems I'm solving. They seem difficult at first as I wasn't too attentive today but I read through the text to figure them out.

It has been an hour and I'm almost done with my math sums. I got the method after some time and thankfully, it wasn't a confusing concept. I touch my screen and type the next digits that are to be multiplied when my phone buzzes. I open the text to see it's from the same guy I determined not to cry or fall weak for.  So a text message shouldn't be something I can't handle. I open the text and roll my eyes. Same old story.

'Baby cakes please listen to me once. A last chance. You know what we had was and is special. Please just once hear me out. I am really sorry. Miss you.'

Special? Yeah right. So special that you went and dated another girl for months. My foot special! I close the text and resume my work, a lot distracted than before.

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