Extra

24- It's Not Logical

"I met Hudson," Kurt tells me two days later when I finally get time to go visit him.

I blink at him a few times, trying to register what he just said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I met Hudson. You know, that guy that you've been talking about lately but then broke up with?" He reminds me.

"Yeah, I know who he is but what do you mean that you met him? How?" I ask him, not really understanding what he means by that.

"He came here," He tells me. "He wanted to meet me. The nurses were very excited that he was here. He's famous, you know. He's been in a lot of movies."

"Yeah, Kurt, I know. That's how we met, remember?" I remind my brother as my heart starts beating about ten billion beats per second. I need to know what Hudson said to Kurt and what Kurt said to Hudson right this instant. No matter how hard I try to forget about him, his hold over me just won't go away. "Anyway, what'd he say?"

"He said that he loves you and that he wishes that you guys didn't have to break up," Kurt explains. "He said that he wanted to meet me because you talked about me a lot. Apparently, you idolize me which is an honor, Iris, it really is."

"What else did he say?" I roll my eyes at Kurt and urge him to continue telling me what happened. I try to ignore that Kurt just told me that Hudson said that he loves me because if I focus on that detail for too long, I just might die. Right here in the visiting room of Michael Hopkins.

"I started yelling after that. Roger was getting really loud and we started fighting. Your boyfriend looked really freaked out but he didn't leave. Once Roger went away, I sat back down and then he told me that he hopes that everything works out for you. And for me. He was very nice," Kurt continues. "Why did you break up with him if he loves you?"

"It's really complicated," I say, staring down at the table and trying to wrap my head around all of this. Hudson visiting my brother, telling him that he loves me, all of it. I can't comprehend any of it.

"Do you not love him?" He wonders.

"It's not that," I blurt quickly.

"So you do love him?"

"I didn't say that either," I mumble. "I... I don't know how I feel. It doesn't matter though because we had to break up. He's famous, which you know, so if we really dated and the media found out, they'd blast my entire life for the whole world to see and I can't handle that."

"Why not?"

"Because I have things that I don't want the world to find out about," I explain to him.

"It was because of me, wasn't it?"

"Not in the way that you think, Kurt."

Kurt raises his eyebrows at me, glancing down to his lap and then back up at me. "You're talking about me."

"No," I insist. "God, no. Of course it's not you, it's just some stuff that I did a long time ago."

"Like what?"

"I can't tell you," I sigh. "Anyway, is that all he said or is there more?"

"He said some other stuff too but I forget most of it," He shrugs. "I think that you should love him back because he seemed really nice both Roger and I like him. I mean, if you love each other, then nothing else should matter. You couldn't have done anything that bad."

"I have done something that bad," I assure him. "And I'm afraid that once the media finds out, you'll find out. I don't care about what the world thinks about me but I think that you'd hate me if you found out what happened."