"There are lies, damned lies and statistics." Mark Twain
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison." WC Fields.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates.
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." Edgar Wallace.
"You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one." Albert Einstein.
"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me." GW Hegel.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." Charles Duell.
"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones." Mike Barfield.
"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." Albert Einstein.
*** The Science Bit! ***
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 .
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show .
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." George Gobol.
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." David Letterman.
"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies." Stephen Leacock.
"Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste." Wes Smith.
"Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female." Desmond Morris.
"When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction." Steven Wright
"Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." Russell Baker.
*** Programmers & Computer Programming ***
"I invented it, Bill made it famous." David Bradley (wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete on the IBM PC)
"As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs." Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949.
"Java is C++ without the guns, knives, and clubs" James Gosling, co-inventor of Java
"Keyboard not found. Press to RESUME. " Source unknown (appears in many common BIOSes as a real error message)
"There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't." unknown
"There are only 10 types of people in this world. Those who know ternary, those who don't and those who confuse it with binary." unknown