Look At Me: A Kelena Fanfiction

Chapter 5

Katherine's POV
There are sometimes strange things that run through your head when you're asleep.

I'm not talking about dreams, everyone had those.

I'm talking about those weird revelations that you have in your head when you're half awake and half asleep.

They can be ridiculous, like deciding you're not going to eat breakfast.

They can be absolutely strange, like deciding you're going to get a pet.

They can even be a huge decision in your life, like deciding you're going to move out of the house or tell someone you love them.

I didn't have these very often. They kind of came and went, whenever I was laying in bed and needed to make a big decision.

I hadn't had one for years. The last one that I had had was when I decided I would tell Elena that I was leaving her.

And then big revelations were out the door when I started drinking and having sex nonstop. It didn't seem like there were any big revelations to be made when I was wasting my life away.

But now there was one coming to me, as I woke up from my small period of being dead.

I lay on the forest ground with my eyes closed and decided in a small moment that Elena didn't want to be with me. I decided that Elena didn't love me any more, and she had the Salvatore brothers to look after her. I decided that Elena hated me after what I had done to her, even with her humanity turned on. I decided that I was just the lovesick, selfish little girl and she wanted someone who was more mature, someone who could look after her. I decided all of that in a split second, and the revelation was stuck in my mind.

I opened my eyes.

The trees loomed over me, branches swaying menacingly in the wind. The moon cast an eerie light over it all, and I felt out of place and scared, waking up all alone here.

I sat up, taking a shaky breath in as I looked all around me at the empty forest.

"You have to leave, Katherine." I muttered to myself, but for some reason, my brain wouldn't let me pick myself up and leave.

I sat there on the ground, my revelation permanently etched in my head, and my heart pounding away in my chest.

Before I knew what was happening, I was crying, tears running down my cheeks and breath catching in my throat.

Elena's POV
Damon and Stefan took me back to their place and I took the guest bedroom, locking the door and refusing to let either of them come in.

For one thing, I was embarrassed about everything I had done and everything I had said to them without my humanity.

For another, I needed to work out what I felt about Katherine still.

I knew everything now that I was a vampire.

I remembered everything she had said to me, everything we had ever done together. The beginning of our relationship in the tomb, the end of it in my bedroom, when she compelled all of my memories away.

And I had lived without those memories until now.

And when I got them back, I turned off my humanity, because I didn't want to live with the pain of those memories, and not having Katherine here with me.

I never thought I'd actually see her again. I thought she was gone forever, and I didn't want to have emotions while I thought that.

But she was back, and the sight of her having her neck snapped turned my humanity back on.