Chapter 5- "The worst things in life come free to us..."

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Song of the chapter: The A-Team by Ed Sheeran


"Now promise me if that sonofa bitch touches you call me and I'll rescue you" Harry strictly told me.

"Yeah I doubt he's gonna be home anyways." I reassured him.

"I'll be back at 3:30. And bring some extra stuff I don't want you staying here." Wows he's protective.

"Harry I'm 17. I'm not legal to leave. My dad still owns me." I cringe my nose at the thought of that. But he's use to being neglected so I can we where he's coming from. A frowned appeared on his face.

"We discuss this later. It's already a bad day enough." I nodded and close the door and went straight to the bathroom. The first glance at the mirror is always frightening, you have to face your demons. My usually shiny Brown hair is in different directions and in matts. That's gonna be hell to brush out. My glowing chocolate Brown eyes are now a dull leathery glow. From all my tears. I turned the shower on hot, strip my clothes, step inside. The hot shower relaxes my muscles. I surprise Harry slept next to me, my last shower was 4 days ago. I glance down at my legs and the same thought always comes to me. I'm a hypocrite. I always told Gemma self harm wasn't the key to happiness but a while back, it was the key to mine. It might be again soon...

I'm the kind of girl who's always smiling and loves to laugh. If your falling down I'll be their to pick you back up. I always say sorry even if it's not my fault (but in this case it is). If I felt like the scrum of the earth I wouldn't tell anyone but Gemma. I'm the girl who's afraid of love because I lost so much already.


I stood in front of my body length mirror to examine myself. It's they way Gemma would dress me. I'm wearing her knee length black dress that she gave to me cuz she thought it made my curves look good. I for once straighten my hair. I wore pantyhoses though because it's almost winter. To finish off my look I added my black vans that I always wear. To me I look the opposite of pretty. You could pretty much see my ribs because if how skinny I've become, their are bruises on my legs from abuse, and the cut on my stomach my dad gave me is slowly healing causing me pain. Which is what I deserve.

Moments later I hear a knock on my door. I got to opened it and of course it's Harry with his perfect Angel completion. His brown curls are tamed, he switched his blue stud nose piercing to a black one. His eyebrow was a black ball and snake bite piercings are out. He wore black skinny jeans with a try long sleeve button up and those brown boots they I've notice he likes to wear. His button up shirt, around the neck, was lower than the shirts I've seen him wear and it showed off some tattoos? He has tattoos? What else don't I know.

"You ready?" His husky voice broke into my trance once again because of my staring.

I nodded and we headed out.

The first five minutes of the car ride was silent until he spoke up.

"So you excited?" What the fuck... for what the death of my best friend?!

"What the Hell?!" I snapped. He chuckled. I missing something here?

"For going to Homel Chapels, my hometown?" He quickly glanced over.

"What do you mean? I'm not going to England." I said confused.

"Yor not going to Gemma funeral?" My heart dropped. My best friends funerals is at her home town. That kind of made since. The one place she was at where she was happy. But I was informed that it was in England. I can't afford it. I'm a terrible person.

"I can't afford a trip to England. As much as I would want to see the one place Gemma was happy I can't go. I'm a terrible person." I frowned. I heard Harry sign.

"Jes, you don't have to pay. It's gonna be paid for you. Me and my dad owe you anyways." He said but no I don't deserve it!

"No! You guys can't do that for me! I deserve nothing!" Harry pulled over the truck but we aren't at the place. He turns to me obviously frustrated and sad.

"You don't deserve it? What don't you deserve a week trip to your best friends funeral in England? Even though it's a sad reason you can see the thing that made her happy. I'll tell you what you don't deserve. You don't deserve the abuse you get or the bruises on your legs from the abuse or the scars from cutting. And don't say you don't cut because kids now in days cut when there in the situation as you or any bad situation. C'mon Jessica. You deserve more than you think and don't think for one second when we go back to England I'm gonna leave you to fight on your own because I can't fight on my own either." Harry stated

I stood their shocked. It's like he read my mind. He turned back towards the wheel and started the truck and drove back on the rode. The awkward silence was to much to endure so I turn on the radio and the song that always reminded me of Gemma and life was on by that angelic voice.

"And they say she's in the class A-Team stuck in her day dream, been this way since 18 but lately her face seems slowly sinking wasting crumbling like pastry s and they say the worst things in life come free to us..."·

That one line couldn't of been more true "the worst things in life come free to us..."

I thought of some thing to ask.

"When are we leaving?" I asked.



"Harry I don't think I can do this?" I said in a panic.

"Don't you wanna see your best friend once more if you had the chance?"

"But not in this condition! It's all my fault she killed herself anyways!" I practically screamed. Harry pushed my head up to look in his eyes.

"It's your last chance to see her face to face before she goes in a casket for burial tomorrow and its not you fault. Your the reason she stayed alive till 17. She wouldn't of made its that long in our family." He said and I took in and nodded.

We walk through the doors and their it is the casket. There aren't very many people here. His dad is and Zayn?! I walk away from Harry and walk up to Zayn.

"You came?" I asked him and when he turned around their were tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, I had to see her and tell her I'm sorry. I regretted everything I did to hurt her. You never know what really missing till it's gone." He simply said and looked down. I gave him a heartfelt hug and walk back to Harry. I grabbed his hand, gave it a quick squeeze and nodded indicating I was ready. We walked up to the open casket and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and shattered. A sob escaped my lips and my knees became weak and I fell. Until 2 strong arms wrapped around my waste to hold me up. Caring arms. Loving arms.

I look down at the beautiful broken dead girl in front of me and realized she was just like me.

She is the kind of girl who always smiles and loves to laugh. If you are falling down, she will be right their to pick you up. She is the one that always says sorry, even if it's not her fault. Even if she is feeling like the scum of the earth, she will never let you know. This is the girl who is afraid of love, because she already lost so much.


Quote on side------>>>>>>>

this is Gemma speech for her funeral. Next chapter is the funeral then it gets a little happier:)

~Lizette xx

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