Finding Your Inner Demon // Phan

2

Thomas, a.k.a. Fuckboy, and I have history.

When I came out as gay to my only friend, Thomas Fletcher, I was obvious nervous. What if he didn't like homosexuals? What if he thought it was weird that we would sleep in the same bed? What if he was disgusted by my sexuality that he never spoke to me again? Usually, I am quite a confident bloke, but something just felt off every time I thought I should tell him. I can not say that he was my best friend, of course not, but he was the only person in the school that actually spoke to me other than for schoolwork so I considered him a friend. And so I should of. He was overwhelmed and told me that he was so happy that I finally came out, not to my Mum, Brother or Dad, but to him. It was as if he felt honoured to know my secret. Now that I look at it, it is... Unpleasant. The way he got over-emotional, tears brewing out of his tear-ducts onto those beautiful, tanned cheeks, rolling past dimples that shone out with joy, dripping off of his predominant jawline. He told me he was gay, too, and that he had a crush on me since he started speaking to me. For the reason that I was head-over-heels for this guy, it didn't ring any alarm bells that he spoke about girls instead of guys. I always felt uncomfortable judging girls on how 'hot' they are, never really seeing the appeal; sure, I can find them attractive but not attractive, you know? Whereas with guys, I could totally pick one out and admire his features from afar because, ew, straight guys. And, you know, I'm gay.

After a couple weeks of full-on flirting, Fuckboy asked me to be his boyfriend. Obviously, I said yes. Little did I know that this boy would ruin my life. No one in the school made a big fuss over seeing two guys, holding hands while walking down the corridor - they hardly even noticed us. It was only after I lost my virginity to this boy (I can hardly call him a man, could I?), that I knew why I felt wrong: he used me. He used me just so he could break up with me and go laugh about it with his jock friends. Apparently, I was the butt-end of a long-going dare that they all forced Fuckboy to do. Occasionally, I see him look at me, remorseful, before he shakes his head, ridding his mind of such thoughts. No one cared that he was gay himself when he screamed out, to every student I had ever come into contact with, "Phil Lester is a faggot!" Of course, I was hurt. He just outed me in the most horrible way, grinning like a mad man, like this was all some sort of joke. I genuinely thought he liked me, loved me for who I was and not who I pretended to be.

So of course, I was not letting him steal my second chance away from me.

I walk up to where Thomas and Dan are standing, near where our last class was together. It was obnoxious how Thomas was standing very close to Dan and Dan was standing there as though this was a normal every day thing. As though this is normal. I am going to shake this up a bit:

"Hey, Dickface, how you doing? Good to see you, man!" I beam a devilish smile, not remotely trying to hide that I ruined Thomas's attempt at a pick-up line.
"Hello, Phil," He says my name like it is venom to his tastebuds.
"Fucked any other random girls, now have ya? Must be wonderful being the world's biggest manwhore and, yet, remaining so devilishly handsome, if I do say so myself,"
Dan does not say anything, but smirks at my comment.
"Fuck off, Faggot!"
"Bit hypocritical seeing as you literally fucked off to me," I giggle.
He grumbles in response, knowing he cannot say shit to counter back what I said, and walks off to chat some girl up.
Fuckboy.

"Hey, sorry about that, man, wasn't the prettiest thing to see on your first day, now is it?" I smile at him, mentally shunning myself for suddenly adopting a accent of a sort.
"Well, it provided some entertainment in this shithole," smirking at me, he rests peacefully against the lockers behind him. We have just got out of class.
"That's Everlyn for ya!" Snap out of it, Phil! "Sorry about him, again,"
"Nah, it is okay. He is just trying to get into my pants, that's all; nothing new,"
Purposefully, he catches my eye, grinning: "Would you like to get into my pants?"
"Urm, it's, ur, like, gay, yay--" Breathe. "Unfortunately, I would not. I'd actually prefer to get to know you, instead of going straight to the sex. Maybe in the future?" I smirk, happy with my recovery. I place my arm above his head as I lean against it, towering Dan, in an intimate position, only slightly. Now, it is his turn to squirm... However, he does not.
"Well then, Phil Lester, I will be looking forward to our second encounter."