Zayn's hand immediately moves to my cheek making the skin on the back of my neck raise and he pulls my arm to bring me to him. I hit my knee on the steering wheel as I climb across and mentally curse at myself for nearly ruining the moment, but he doesn't seem to notice as he wraps his arms around my back, bringing me flush to his chest. Our mouths move in sync and my arms latch around his neck.
His mouth is foreign to me, it's not like Harry's. .his tongue doesn't move the same, it doesn't trace mine and he doesn't trap my bottom lip between his teeth the way Harry does.
Stop it Tessa. You need this, you need to stop thinking about Harry. He is surely in bed with some random girl, Molly even. Oh god, if he's with Molly..
"You could have been happy all the time, not just sometimes." Zayn just said.
I know he is right, I would have been much better off if he would have won. I deserve this, I deserve to be happy. I have suffered enough and dealt with enough of Harry's bullshit and he hasn't even tried to talk to me about it. Only a weak person would run back to someone who has trampled on them repeatedly. I can't be that weak, I have to be strong and move on. Or try at least.
I feel better right now, in this moment than I have in the last nine days. Nine days doesn't sound like a long time until you spend it counting every single second of misery waiting for something that didn't come. With Zayn's arms around me I can finally breathe, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Zayn has always been so kind to me and he's always been there. I wish he would have won, I wish he would have been the one I fell for instead of Harry, none of this would be happening.
"God Tessa.." Zayn moans and I tug at his hair.
I kiss him harder.
"Wait.." He says into my mouth and I pull away slowly.
"What is this?" He looks into my eyes.
"I..I don't know?" My voice is shaky and I am out of breath.
"I'm sorry.. I'm just emotional and I have been going through a lot and what you said to me just now made me.. I don't know, I shouldn't have done that." I look away from him and climb off of his lap back to the driver's seat.
"It's nothing to be sorry for.. I just don't want to get the wrong idea you know? I just want to know what this means to you." He tells me.
What does this mean to me?
"I don't think I can answer that, not yet. I.."
"Thought so." His voice slightly angry.
"I just don't know.."
"It's fine, I get it. You still love him."
"It's only been nine days Zayn, I can't help it."
I keep managing to make an even bigger mess than the last.
"I know, I'm not saying that you can or will stop loving him I just don't want to be your rebound. I just started dating someone, I haven't dated anyone since I met you and I finally met Rebecca then when I saw the way you reacted to me dating someone I started thinking.. I know I'm an idiot but I started thinking you didn't want me to move on or something."
"You aren't my rebound.. I wanted to kiss you just now, I just don't know what I'm thinking or doing. Nothing has made sense to me for the last nine days and I finally stopped thinking about him when I kissed you and it felt amazing, I felt like I could do this. I could get over him but I know that it's not fair for me to use you that way. I'm just confused and irrational, I'm sorry for making you cheat on your girlfriend, that wasn't my intention I just.."