As the last bell of the day rang, I set my eyes on the ground, zipping past so many now familiar faces. I could feel their stares as I pushed past them more pushy than usual. I had a motive to get out of the school doors and fast. There were blurs of white and blue shirts and constumes for our school's team spirit. There was a football game at our school today. I couldn't stand to go. My mind went through what would happen if I went and made Teddy think I went for him. I was done acting like we were okay. I am done acting like it will work. I am done making him think that.
But all too soon, Teddy stopped me. He grabbed my hand and stopped my constant speed of motion. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at him.
He looked deep into my eyes and saw that I was hurt. He pulled me in for a tender, warm hug. It was a comfort zone I had been wanting. The embrace told me that he was there. It told me that I was loved. It told me that I might love him. I held him as close as I could and took a deep breath. Then as I let it all out, I let go of him and turned to walk away.
I turned, feeling the tears burn my eyes.
"I want to know that you're okay," he walked up to me and looked too serious. "are you okay? Sky, answer me!"
"I.... don't know. Teddy, I can't do this. Whatever is going on. I just, I can't." I cried in the middle of all the chaos of pep rallies and cheers and hundreds of kids anxious for football. The moment was too delicate to break with all the noise.
He shook his head. It was like he understood but didn't know what was going on. The look in his eyes made me fall for him even more.
"Why?" Tears started to fill both of our eyes as I stood there speechless. I slowly walked towards him and gently my hand touched his cheek and I oh so gently kissed his cheek. Then walked away to his silence. But I could sill hear him breathing, and my screaming at myself inside.
I got home and talked on the phone with Rob for awhile. He talked about his work outs, how good he was doing this year in school, how his six-pack missed me and I pretended to be interested. I almost felt guilty acting like this was a normal relationship. I wonder if he thinks I love him. Because I sure as hell know he doesn't love me. He might say it, but words mean nothing to me anymore. Not after what he did. Not after what I had to do today for a person like Rob.
My arms almost looked back to normal. I still had some scars from my nights with him. They don't hurt physically anymore. But whenever I see them, the pain is somehow seeping out from the inside and I feel it all over again. I close my eyes but he is still there. There was no way out.
I layed down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Teddy's teary eyes were right in front of me. I could feel his cool breath on my face, and I cried a little more. But I knew I couldn't cry over it. There was no way I could be with Teddy. It wasn't safe. But neither was being with Rob. My head spun at the questions that never seemed to end. None of them seemed to have any answers.
It was 6:50. I stared at the clock, begging it to fast forward 30 years. I couldn't think of anything else but that. The question lingered in the air. Do I risk my life for love? It seems dramatic. But it was the simplest way to say it. Do I risk my life for love? For Teddy.
My phone vibrated on my nightstand and I debated whether to see who it was. It could make my night even worse, or be really important. I reached over and read the screen.
'please come to the game' -Teddy.
The car door flew open. "Thanks Dana, I'll call you later!" I screamed over the thunder of the crowd. There had to be a thousand people there. I looked around cluelessly. I was in middle school last time I went to a football game. And that was only to see Rob play. I looked around for a familiar face. Someone tapped my shoulder.