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I WAS SO BROKEN
My hands shook as I placed the card back on the side, discarding it as if it weren't important; but we both knew it was.
I was unable to do anything; move, cry, scream. It was like I was paralysed in my own body, the only organ able to function being my brain, which was whirling as I got consumed by my own brooding thoughts.
But I allowed myself one more glance—one last look at your messy handwriting that filled the note with your harsh, unspoken words.
'I can't do this anymore'
And that was all it took; I ripped up the card to sheds, angrily scattering the pieces of paper away from me, almost like they were the bits of my own shattered heart. I threw them away; I threw the image of you away, because you were no longer perfect in my mind.
You were really gone. You had really left me.
The tears then appeared, coming out in vast floods, escaping from my eyes and rolling rapidly down my cheeks. I let out a constant stream of sobs, my shoulders shaking and my knees breaking out so that I crashed onto the floor in a mess.
I couldn't do it; I couldn't stop myself from breaking down when I didn't even know why you were gone.
No explanation. No words of comfort. I guess that shows how much I meant to you—how much we meant to you.
Did you find someone else? Did you fall out of love with me? Did I do something wrong that I wasn't aware of?
I wish you had just talked to me; I wished you hadn't acted like we were nothing, like our relationship was so irrelevant that I didn't even deserve a proper goodbye.
Our love had always been the vision of perfect--but perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps there is no such thing as perfect; perhaps it's just a mask that conceals all that is fake.
I wiped my eyes, stood up, and took a deep breath as I tried to calm myself down. You were no longer there to help me when I broke down—you had been the one to break me this time.
But I managed to calm myself; I managed to heal my own wounds, to seal them up so they wouldn't come crashing through the surface.
And with that, we were deleted. Everything we had, everything we were, was ruined, and all from a single line on a scrap of paper.
But then, there was a chance of a new beginning. And I knew I couldn't let it consume me; it was time to move on from you, time to forget about us.
I had never known the me without you,
But now I guess it's time to find her.
[ F I N ]
thank you for reading 'me without you'! it would be amazing if you could vote or comment on this to tell me what you think -- it would really mean a lot to me!
- rachel xo