(Edited) Chapter 20

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Slow dancing...

...I remember slow dancing with Aiden.

I can almost feel his arms wrapped around my waist, and my hands around his neck. I can almost feel the warmth of his body rushing into mine; feel his light breath tickling my skin. And it hurts, it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad to realize that I'll never get to feel that way again—feel that comfort, that feeling of completeness again. Without him, I'll always be a little incomplete.

I push away the painful memories. They are not worth thinking over; because they are just that—memories. And we don't get to experience the same thing twice.

My eyes travel across the dance floor. The mushiness here is making me sick. I just want to get out of here.

"Hey Scarlett? Um, let's go out for a bit," Susan says suddenly.

I cock my eyebrows at her. "Why? You just said you were going to ask the DJ to change the song?"

"I changed my mind. Fresh air, we need some fresh air. Let's get out of here."

'"But I want to dance. Can't we—"

And that's when I see him; them—to be exact; Aiden and Hailey—slow dancing. I'd not expected it to hurt the way it did then. I hadn't even guessed it was humanly possible to feel the way I felt then. The pain hit my heart like a really sharp dagger. I could feel a heaviness slowly spreading through my chest. It was getting harder to breathe. I was almost choking on unshed tears. Just seeing them together had triggered all the feelings, all the thoughts I've been trying so hard to avoid thinking about.

I want to look away, but I can't. Susan tries to pull me away. But I can't seem to move. I can't stop looking at them; looking at her, with her hands wrapped firmly around his neck. His strong arms are hugging her waist protectively. Eyes—they are looking into each other's eyes, so deeply, so intensely.

I could have been there instead, you know? I could have been there, with his arms wrapped all around me, feeling the flutter of his heart every time we leant in. I should be there, running my fingers through his wavy tresses. But I'm not. He doesn't look at me the way he looks at her. And he never will. He's made that much very clear.

My deep trance is broken when I realize that Hailey & Aiden are slowly leaning towards each other.

God, I need a drink—right now.

I don't wait to see what happens next. I swiftly turn around and head back to the kitchen. I push away the couples in my way and open the damn fridge and take out a bottle. I don't even glance at the label of the bottle. I don't even think. Wasn't I the one who was against drinking? What am I doing now? Why is there a bottle of some liquor clutched in my hands?

Susan and Sharon are still back there. So that's why Susan wanted some 'fresh air'. She'd hoped I wouldn't see them. Now I wish I hadn't either. But it's too late for that now, isn't it? I head back to where they are. When I return, they are surprised to see me with the drink, but they don't question me.

Not able to stop myself, I glace at where I'd seen Hailey & Aiden before. They're kissing frantically. There's nothing really romantic about that kiss though. There's a lot of touching involved, yes. But there's something missing.

With my stomach churning, I gulp down some of the alcoholic liquid. It immediately triggers my gag reflex, and I feel like spitting it out. But I ignore the feeling and continue drinking. A warm sensation envelopes my belly. I continue gulping down the liquid, refusing to stop. I can feel myself losing the clarity, the preciseness of the situation little by little, with every sip.

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