Behind Blue Eyes Chapter 11

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“Noelle, I’m so, so sorry.” Ryan whispered in my ear. I pressed my face farther into his neck, enjoying the feeling his cold skin against my face.

My body shook with sobs and he pulled me closer, holding me tightly and gently at the same time.

Why was he trying to comfort me? I was a total stranger to him. I just poured my life story out to a stranger. A stranger who could look like my mom whenever he chose to.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I imagined I was at my old house. Upon opening my eyes, I was startled to see that I actually was in the house I grew up in.

Ryan glanced around, a panicked look on his face. I disentangled myself from his arms and stood up. Laughing in disbelief, I started towards the stairs.

My old room was just as I remembered it. The pale blue curtains hung in front of my windows. Streaks of sun caught in the small glass pieces on my dream-catcher, scattering bright dots all around.

I walked to my nightstand and opened the top drawer. A smile settled upon my lips as I saw my sketchpad there. I picked it up and flipped through, noticing how all of the more recent drawings seemed more skilled, better crafted.

“Noelle?” Ryan’s questioning voice asked from the door. “How did we get here?” I giggled and rushed over to him, enveloping him in a hug.

“I’m home again!” I giggled childishly. “I got myself home!” Tears of joy streamed down my face as I looked around at my surroundings.

Ryan stayed just outside the door, in the shadows as I rushed back into my room. The shadows falling across his face made him look older, worn, and fragile.

I walked back over to him and tugged at his hand, trying to pull him into my room. He followed me reluctantly.

Glitter lit up his skin as he stepped into he sun. I gasped in amazement and trailed my fingers down his forearm.

Ryan’s eyes darkened and a slight growl of pleasure erupted from him. His arms wrapped around me, one settling on the small of my back, the other tentatively wandering underneath my shirt.

His lips pressed to mine, our breathing becoming labored. We fell onto my bed, him underneath me. His hands moved to pull off my shirt, my arms automatically lifting off his own shirt. I pushed the sneakers off my feet and let him undo my jeans.

We turned so he was now on top. His cold fingers trailed over my scarred stomach, resting on my hips and then traveling back up to undo my bra clasp.

I gasped as he sucked on one nipple. Letting my back arch, I pulled him closer to me. I needed him in me, right now.

My breathing became even shallower as he started to enter me. My head spun and moans came from my mouth.

He pressed down hard against me, breaking my barrier. The pain was so insignificant if I got this much pleasure.

I whimpered into his chest. Memories of Emmett trying to rape me filled my mind. I pushed against Ryan, thinking he was Emmett.

“Get off of me!” I shrieked. I sobbed as I tried to push him off. What was he trying to do to me?

When my eyes cleared of tears, I saw Ryan standing just outside the doorway again.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered. “I thought you were Emmett for a moment… I freaked out.” I told him. I found my clothes and yanked them on before walking over to him.

Leaning my head against his chest I said, “I’m sorry. I’m broken. Scarred because of Emmett, scarred from the accident. I’m not repairable. I wish I was but I’m not.”

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