Distant » Harry Styles

Chapter 2

Half the day is over and it's as if I have been in school for what feels like forever. I have been watching the clock for the past half-hour waiting anxiously for lunchtime. I walk in the cafeteria and it is flowing with people. I see new faces left and right. I stand on my toes trying to get a better view of the room. I spot Conrad in the corner waving his arm trying to get my attention. I push through people and sit down next to him. 

"I can't believe how packed the cafeteria is!" he exclaims 

"I hate people." I say, making him chuckle

I have a sandwich, an apple, and a protein bar. I eat slowly as Conrad was talking about his classes.

"Math was torture." he says 

"Isn't it always?" 

Conrad's eyes drift somewhere else. He stares intently at something behind me. His neutral expression changes drastically, and I can tell that he is trying to stifle his emotions. I try to ignore his diverted attention, but when he stares for a long time, I turn around. I see a group of seniors at the table behind us, and some are looking our way. They only look for a few seconds, and then look away. 

"What is it?" I ask, turing back around 

"There was a guy is staring at you." he says 

"Guys always stare at me." 

"Conceited much?" he teases 

I know I get a lot of male attention, and it's not something new. I am used to being stared at all the time, and it seems normal to me now. I've dated way too many guys for a seventeen year old. I only dated them for a short amount of time, until they said the three words I absolutely despise. After that, I break up with them and they still try to get me back. Having so much male attention is overwhelming and very annoying. 

I look over one more time to see that Conrad's right. A guy is staring at me. I know that Conrad was talking about this guy, because I don't think his eyes ever left me. His green eyes pierce into mine as I size him up. His dark curly hair droops onto his forehead, and he bites his bottom lip. His arms are crossed over his chest and a few of his friends stand close by talking to one another. 

The rest of lunch is spent complaining about teachers and the homework already given to us. My book bag that was heavy before school is now almost impossible to carry. The rest of the day is a blur. I didn't really pay attention to anyone or anything. Conrad once in a while had to kick my leg in class for me to not fall asleep. When the bell rings I am relieved. 

"One day of torture completed." I sigh and leave the classroom 

I am quick to go to my car and leave the school as soon as possible. As I drive I see a car that is tailing me. It's a black Range Rover that has been right behind me for the past ten minutes. I start to panic and my pulse increases. After a few minutes of the car still right behind me, my palms start to get sweaty. Is someone following me? If so, who? And why? Questions start going through my brain making me tense. My hands grip the wheel tighter making my knuckles turn white. 

"Calm down Alyssa." I say to myself

When I pull up into my driveway, the car drives right past me, and I can finally breathe.

"See Alyssa. You got worked up for no reason." I say to myself 

"I'm home!" I yell and make my way upstairs 

I stay in my room and get as much work done as I can. I don't go down for dinner, purposely trying to avoid the awkward conversations while we eat. When my stomach starts to rumble, I decide to go downstairs to eat dinner. 

I open the fridge door, and search for the leftovers. 

"Why didn't you eat dinner with the rest of the family?" my mom asks, making me jump 

I didn't hear her walk into the room, and she stands on the other side of the counter. She stands up straight, with her arms are crossed over her narrow chest. She taps her foot against the tile floor, looking at me with an intense gaze. 

"I wasn't hungry then." 

"You say that every day Alyssa. I know you're lying," she says walking around the counter to be on my side 

I hear the front door open and close, and hear my dads footsteps coming towards us. He sets his keys down, along with his bag. He sees the look on both my mom and I's faces. 

"What's wrong?" he asks taking a step forward 

"Why don't you want to spend time with family?" she changes her tone, ignoring my dad completely 

"It's not that I don't want to spend time with family, it's that I don't want to spend time with you." 

A look of utter of shock and anger takes over my mothers face. She raises her hand to hit me, but my dad stops her. She fights against him, trying to get out of his grip. He holds her still until she finally calms down. 

"Say sorry to your mother!" my dad says turning towards me 

"I'm not the one that needs to apologize!" I yell, and he knows what I'm referring to 

"That was the past Alyssa, now say your sorry!" he barks 

"No." I turn on my heel and dart upstairs to my room 

"Alyssa Grace Brooks! Don't walk away from me!" he yells after me 

I slam the door shut, and sit down on the edge of my bed. I was able to snag a few snacks before my mother started freaking out on me. I eat my food, and undress. I climb into bed, and get under the covers. Most people usually think of the funny moments in their lives before they fall asleep, but with me, it's the opposite. 

Mainly I think about how I got here in the first place. How did I turn myself into the monster that I am today? How did I manage to be so cold-hearted? I will never know what triggered something inside of me, making me such a dark person. It felt as simple as turning a light switch on and off. When the light switch was turned on, I was happy and joyful. And somehow, the light switch got turned off, and got stuck. Leaving myself in the darkness for so long, turned me into a person that even I am afraid of. 

It is completely quiet in my room, and the silence rings in my ears. The darkness overcomes the whole room, making my mood reflect the atmosphere. The room is cold, causing me to shiver and shift under the blankets. It's times like these when the worst thoughts come to my mind. When there is no one around, and you can hear the silence. Every little sound alarms you, and the shadows you see out of your eyes makes you cower back, hiding under the sheets. It's times like these when my thoughts go in the crevices, every dark corner in my mind. Illustrations of everything I'm afraid of appears right behind my closed eyelids. 

When you're in the dark alone, you feel like you're five again. You feel like you're a child, really, asking your parents to read you a bedtime story just so they can be there when you're finally asleep. Asking them to check under the bed for monsters, even though, there are no monsters under your bed. All the real monsters, they're in your head. 

don't forget to vote and comment ily