Nathan Young, Misfits.

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So this was bound to come around eventually, and you will understand if you've seen the British TV series 'Misfits', its a programme about a bunch of young criminals who have to do community service, but they get stuck in this storm that gives them supernatural powers. Its seriously hilarious, and Nathan is the best character. He's played by Robert Sheehan and Nathan is an absolute a$$hole. Anyway, there'll be lots of swearing, so enjoy! :) 

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Meeting his fellow convicted criminals for the first time:

Nathan Young: What about you, weird kid? Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but you look like a panty sniffer. 
Simon Bellamy: I'm not a panty sniffer. I'm not a pervert. I tried to burn someone's house down. 

***

Nathan: Me? I was done for eating some pic'n'mix. 

***

Sally: Gary and my colleague Tony we're both reported missing. Their families are really worried about. Have you seen anything usual, anything at all? 

[after a brief silence, Nathan raises his hand

Sally: You saw something? 

Nathan Young: A few days ago, I go into the toilets. Tony and Gary were in there. They're butt naked, Tony has Gary by his hair- like this- He's just doin' him. Doggy style... And Tony's like, "Ooo who's your daddy? I'M your daddy! I'm BIG daddy! Oh! Oh yeah, you like that? Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm daddy cooool!" So I'm guessing they ran away to continue their elicit homosexual affair. And I ask you, in this world of intolerance and prejudice, who are- WHO are WE to condemn them? 

[Sally walks off

***

Kelly Bailey: [in thick East Midlands accent] Ehm, wot makes ya thin' that yer better than ozz? 

Nathan: What is *that* accent? 

Curtis Donovan: Is that for real?

Kelly: Wot, you tryin' to say soomfin 'ou' it, then, yah? 

Nathan: It's a - are you - that's just a noise! Are we supposed to be able to understand her? 

***

Kelly: You know after the storm, did any of you lot feel like dead weird? 
Nathan: Yeah. I had a strange tingling sensation in my anus. 

***

As they start to bury their probabtion worker after he went mad and tried to kill them all: 

Nathan: I'm pretty sure this breeches the terms of my ASBO

***

One of the girls has the ability to make someone horny as soon as they touch her, and Simon (who can turn invisible) touched and said something like 'I want to p1ss on your tits!' awkward. 

Nathan: And you, didn't you say you wanted to p1ss on her tits?! Probably best to keep that kinda thing between you and your internet service provider. 

***

After a girl with a power tries to turn all teenagers into good people who loves God: 

Nathan: We're young. We're supposed to drink too much. We're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other's brains out. We are designed to party. This is it. Yeah, so a few of us will overdose or go mental. But Charles Darwin said you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And that's what it's all about breaking eggs! And by eggs, I do mean, getting twa*ted on a cocktail of Class As. If you could just see yourselves! It breaks my heart. You're wearing cardigans! We had it all. We screwed up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. We were so beautiful! We're screw-ups. I'm a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will sh*g my own mother before I let her... or anyone else take that away from me! 

***

Nathan: Did you just suddenly grow a set of balls? 
Simon: I've always had a set of balls, you've just never seen them. 
Nathan: That is about the gayest thing I've ever heard. 

***

Nathan: If the priest werent fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids. 

***

Kelly: Oh my god, is that old man dead? 

Nathan: *shouts* She's stealing your pention! *man wakes up* Nope, he's fine. 

***

None of them have a car to transport the dead body of their old probation worker, so they decided to steal their new probation workers'. However, just after they stuff his body into her boot, she gets into the car to drive off. Panicking, Nathan jumps out and throws a brick at her windscreen to prevent her leaving with the body. 

Lady: What the hell is wrong with you?! 

Nathan: It's just pure mindless vandalism! 

Lady: Are you mentally deficient?! 

Nathan: If I was mentally deficient, I'd have missed. Look at that! *points to car* Bullseye! 

***

Nathan finds he's immortal after he wakes up in his coffin after falling off a bulding, this is after they dig him up: 

Kelly: So if you’re not dead, how come you smell so bad?

Nathan: I appear to have shat myself. 

Alisha: Were you having a wank in there?

Nathan: Yeah, so what if I was? A man can’t enjoy a quick shuffle in his own coffin? It’s not like I was expecting visitors.

***

Nathan: Yeah, so my mum opens the door and she’s like ‘Aaaaaaahh!’ and I’m like ‘I’m immortal!’ And then she fainted, face plants on the radio and there’s just blood and teeth everywhere.

Kelly: Is she alright?

Nathan: Yeah, yeah! She’s fine. She’s fine. Apart from the whole… face. Kind of put a downer on the whole thing.

***

Nathan: The siren call of the bl*wjob renders all men powerless. That’s how girls trick you into marrying them.

***

Nathan's father: Like you’ve never done anything wrong. We’re not so different, you know.

Nathan: We are completely different. I’m gracefully tall, you’re freakishly short.

Nathan's father: Where do you get this stuff?

Nathan: I don’t know. It just comes to me. I have a gift.

***

Nathan: That’s right, Dad. Walk away with your tiny little legs, you F*CKING midget!

***

Nathan: Have you got any brothers?

Simon: A sister.

Nathan: Is she cute? You should think about getting me and her together. Hey man, someone’s going to. Better be a close friend, someone you can trust (rotates hips), to be gentle and respectful. Me.

Simon: She’s twelve!  

***

Nathan: I’m going to take a sh*t in his bed.

Alisha: What?

Simon: I don’t think you should do that.

Nathan: We need to send a message; let him know he can’t f*ck with us.

Curtis: And how does taking a sh*t in his bed do that exactly?

Nathan: Well, they did it in The Godfather.

Simon: They put a horse’s head in the bed.

Nathan: Well, have you got a horse’s head?

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