Chapter 17

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Its been a month. My routine was wake up, get dressed, go to school, lacrosse, eat half of dinner, shower, sleep, repeat. I haven't talked to anyone much. I was kind of a mute. I sit at the Bay window and Riley ans Maya show up out of nowhere. "Ok, its been a month. You need to talk sooner or later." Maya says. I sigh. "Your right, its just. My mothers been with me my whole life. Mother and daughter against the world." I say. "Now you can make it your world." Riley says. "Its what your mom would've wanted." Maya says. I nod. I get up and take my pills. "Lets go to Topangas I guess?" I say. "That's the spirit!" Maya says. And I'm pulled away.

***

I sit on the couch with a smoothie. Riley and Maya at my sides. "So..." I shrug. "So... What shall we do today?" Riley says. "Lets see...we can-" Riley gets a text. "Charlie wants to meet at the mall." She says. "Just you?" Maya asks. She nods. "Go ahead. We will be right here." I say. She smiles and walks out. "Maya I need to tell you something." I say.

"What is it sweet thang." She says. I sigh. Better now than never... "Me and Lucas kissed." I say. She freezes. "When?" She asks. "Before you and him were a thing." I say. A little white lie can't hurt. "I promise we are just friends and nothing like that will happen again I swear." I say. She hugs me. "Thanks for telling me." She says. "Your welcome." I say.

***

We finished fixing our room. Auggie sleeps in what used to be a guest room. I have Auggies room and Riley keeps her room. I couldve had the guest room but Auggie wanted to move. I put up everything from my room up. "Wow, one month and its finally done." I look to see Lucas.

"Yea, I was gonna start a babysitting business to start saving up for money. I just need to get red cross certified." I say. "Where do you go for that?" He asks. "The internet. Or a local hospital but the internet is better." I say. I was fixing a small speaker in a cabinet. "Ready to test something out with me?" I ask. "Sure." He shrugs. "Put your arms out so I can use them to hold up my computer as I type." I say. He does so and I type and play music.

Halsey fills my room. "Stand outside the door." I say. He does and looks surprised.

"You can't hear it. Only because your door is open." He says. I nod and turn it off. I sit on my bed and hold a pillow. "What's wrong?" He asks sitting next to me. "Do you think its a little to early to recover from my mom? I mean people think I should or I won't get over it but a part of me just isn't ready.." I say. "Well, I would say take all the time you need but I think you need to start talking more. Maybe you'd be ready if you talked." He says.

I lay down and he lays down with me I see the glow in the dark stars I put on the ceiling. "I don't know it still hurts." I say. "It always will hurt but if you talk about how you feel more maybe you'd feel just a tad bit better." He says. I nod. "So how do you feel?" He asks.

"Like its all my fault. I shouldve said no and we wouldve never had a party and she wouldnt have to speed and she would be here. But I decided to say yes." I say. I feel his hand intertwine with mine. "It wasn't your fault at all. Just a bad series of events." He says. I look at him. I scoot nex to him and place my head on his shoulder.

"So.. how do you feel about me?" He asks. I stick out my pointer finger with the ring on it. He points his out to. "Bestest friends." I say looking at him. "Bestest friends." I say. We look at each other and then I sit up. "I told Maya about Texas." I say. "How did she react?" He asks.

"Calm, kinda glad that I told her." I say. He nods. We just sit there in silence. "So...what did you come here for?" I ask. "I just wanted to see if you were alright. How are you now that Mr. Matthews is you legal guardian?" He asks. "I mean I'm used to calling him Mr. Matthews and now I'm calling him dad. Its a trip I will admit that." I say. "You gonna be okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, just need some time to think." I say. He stands up. "If you ever need anything just let me know." He says. "I'll have you on speed dial." I laugh. He chuckles back and walks out the room leaving me alone with my glow in the dark stars.

***

I wake up to hear a knock on the door. I walk slowly over. "Uncle Shawn!" Riley I hear Riley say. I hear everyone hugging and saying hi. I peep my head out. I see Matthe-dad look at me. I pull back and hide. "Spencer come say hi." I hear him say. I sigh and walk out seeing a man in a gray blazer I guess, a black shirt, black pants and black shoes.

"Hi, I'm Spencer." I say and shake his hand. "I've heard about you." He says. I nod. "What are you doing here?" Matthews asks. "Well, I wanted to see the girl you told me about." He says. "And someone came over to to my plumbing." He says. "Well you've met me now I am going to go back to my nap. Before I can walk away Riley holds me back. "We were supposed to meet up with our friends at Topangas." She says.

"Yeah, about that." I say. I move me ans Riley away from the group. "I don't think I'm ready to go out. Give me a few more days to grieve and we can go out. I just need a bit." I say. "Spence, its been a month. You've been hiding away, sleeping in, not eating. I think its time you start at least go out with us. You don't have to talk or converse. Just be there with us." She says. I shake my head. "I'm sorry." I say. "It was nice meeting you Shawn." I say and walk to my room. I close the door turn off the lights and lay in my bed and try to sleep away the pain.

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