Making Babies #NewAdult

~Twenty Nine~

          Two months ago, my life went right back to shit. All the work I had done up to this point, felt like it didn't matter.

             Two months ago, I had the horrible pleasure of seeing the man that has been chasing me in my nightmares.

           Two months ago, all the happiness I had felt had been taken away from me and I was too weak not to let the sadness and misery completely take over.

           Leaving my house or even my bed was a hard task. I barely slept because everytime I closed my eyes, he would appear, so my bed had been my best friend. I couldn't eat but I had to for my baby. The only reason I was trying to fight this darkness was because of my baby.

          I had to fight for my baby. There were no other options. I had to.

           Throughout all this ordeal, my family has been there for me, basically never leaving my side, yet giving me the space that I needed to deal with everything my own way.

         The day Frederick told me he had to travel for a bit, I had to admit it had been heart breaking for me. I didn't want him to go, to leave me here. I needed him. Didn't he know that I needed him to be there for me and with me.

         Didn't he understand that I was broken and scared and on the brink of losing it?

          Don't leave me. I begged silently but gave him a small smile and told him to be careful. I didn't know where he was going because he didn't tell me and I didn't ask.

          The second he walked out of my bedroom that morning, I closed my eyes and hugged myself tightly. My bed was my best friend.

          When Frederick came back and told me I didn't have to worry about my family or my brother again and that everything was taken care of, I didn't beleive him at first but there was something in his eyes that had me change my mind then.

        " He would never hurt you again." He had promised that night and yes I had believed him. I had to.

          I didn't think I would ever be able to escape it all but I had to try. My baby depended on me to be ok. Frederick and Mrs. Winslet and Billie all needed me to be ok. I had to pull through.

        Another month after that, I asked my therapist to meet me at my apartment. I still couldn't go out of my place without freaking out but at least I was able to leave my bedroom.

           It had been rough. Revisiting the worst part of my life had been hard, but every day and every time she and I met, it got easier and I was thankful for it.

           Little by little, I was able to feel comfortable again to go out. I had to anyway to go to my doctor's appointment.

         The first day I felt my baby's kicks I got so frightened because I thought something was wrong. It was weird...it felt weird and I was certain something was wrong so we ran to the emergency room at midnight that day and that's when they told me it was my baby kicking.

           I had cried then, thanking God for the small miracle while holding Frederick's hand tightly.

           The next day, I told Mrs. Winslet that I was ready to go with her to walk Fluffy.

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          People often say that things happen for a reason and that it was part of a big scheme of things. There's a big picture in all things, and everything that happens in life has its purpose.