What Do You Want Me To Do? (Stiles)

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I told Stiles I would be here at 6 o'clock but it's 6:05 and I can't seem to pull my body out of the car.

I'm sitting in my car, in the rain, in front of Stiles house but I can't get out. I know what I'm going to have to do when I get inside. I don't want to do it. I don't want to say the words I know will break his heart but, I have to.

It's not safe for either of us and not because of the supernatural. Someone is going to get hurt and that someone is me. I've been guarded my entire life. Ever since my dad left me and my mom for some girl who was "much younger and much prettier", I've been afraid to love.

I always looked at love as something that could be forgotten. My dad told me that he loved me. He told my mom that he loved my mom. He just didn't love us enough, and that love was forgotten. Maybe it was because we didn't love him enough. All the therapists I've been too tell me not to blame myself. "You were eight years old, what could you have possibly done?" But I can't help it. Maybe if my mom and I had loved my dad just a tiny bit more, he would've stayed.

I've always known Stiles loved Lydia. Now that Lydia loves Stiles back, what is gonna stop him from running after her? I know we are together now but, I am no Lydia Martin.

She is prettier, smarter, cooler, wittier than me. Stiles would never admit it but he looks at her a different way than he looks at me. I always see him looking at her and he never looks at me like that.

I always thought that we had some sort of connection. Like a special bond. It was like we were the same person.

Stiles made me believe that love isn't always forgotten and that sometimes love is the only thing that can stop the bad dreams at night. If only he meant it all those times he said he loved me.

A knock on my window takes me out of my trance and I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my jacket before turning to see who was there.

I knew it was Stiles.

He was drenched in rain, his sweatshirt sticking to his body showing off his toned arms.

"Y/N," he said grabbing my arms and pulling me out of the car. "Are you okay?" He wraps his arms around me and leads me into his living room. I didn't see Sheriff's car when I pulled into the driveway so I knew the house was empty.

Stiles pulled the red blanket off of the back of the couch and wraped it around me.

"Stay right here," he said running up the stairs. Minutes later he came running back down with a dry shirt and a sweatshirt for me.

He hands me my favorite sweatshirt of his to wear but I put it down on the kitchen table and look down at my hands.

I'm not going to be able to do this.

"Y/N," Stiles asks slowly. "Is everything okay?"

I cough to try and clear my throat but it only make me cough more. Stiles quickly goes to the cabinet to grab a glass and fills it up with water to hand to me. I drink the water quickly and put the glass next to the sweatshirt on the table.

"You know that you can tell me anything," he says trying to reassure me.

"Even things that you don't want to hear?" I ask, my eyes welling up with tears.

"Y/N," he says running over to stand next to me. His hands reach up to meet my cheeks but I take a step back. I know if touches me this will all be over. His warm hands will melt me back into him and I know that that is not safe.

When my eyes finally meet his again he is crying. "What did I do?"

I look down at my hands again to try to think of what to say.

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