Doctor Who: The Evangelion Error (Book Two)

Prequel to Episode 11

Inside the TARDIS. October 2015.

He knew the unspoken rules by heart. Find somewhere private -- say, for instance, an arbitrary stretch of corridor inside the TARDIS, several twists and turns down from the library. Keep it quiet. Keep it contained. Get it over with, as quickly as you can. Then wipe your eyes and pretend that it never happened. After all, men weren't supposed to cry, right?...

That was the theory, at least. In practice, he eventually looked up and found the Doctor standing nearby him silently.

Shinji immediately sniffed and rubbed his eyes. He sat amid a scattered pile of books, including Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, The Narcissistic Mindset in Humanoid Species andWith Due Respect: Assertive Communication for Drones and Middle-Tier Laborers. "Sorry," he muttered.

"Nothing to be sorry for," the Doctor said quietly. "Nothing to be ashamed of, either." He sat down on the floor next to Shinji. "Take it that you're still getting flashes of what you saw inside Zero. Recovered memories and all that."

Shinji nodded. "How -- h-how do you do it?" he asked. "How do you just keep going after you've been through something horrible? I mean -- how do you stay sane with those kinds of... things inside your head? For the rest of your life?"

The Doctor shrugged. "There's no one answer. I suppose... I just keep moving. Keep running. You live long enough, you learn to have a certain amount of faith in the universe. That there'll be something new, something wonderful, just around the corner. S'long as you keep looking for it. As long as you don't let the past break you."

"I've always felt broken, though." Shinji stared down at his hands. "I mean, even before all of this. Like there was something missing inside of me or something like that. But... ever since I started piloting..." His vision started to blur. He clenched his hands into fists. "N-now it's like every new thing that happens just breaks me down more, you know? Grinding me down more and more until I don't even know if there's gonna be anything left of me soon and I'm trying to keep it together but stuff just keeps happening..."

"Hey. Hey. Listen to me." The Doctor put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "I told you, didn't I? First night we met. You're stronger than you know. You might not feel like it right now, but it's there. Trust me, eh? You'll make it through this." He stared off into space. "Even if..."

Shinji looked up. "Huh?"

"Eh, never mind. It's nothing." The Doctor shook his head. "I'll tell you one thing, though."

"What's that?"

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I could legitimately call myself sane?" The Doctor grinned.

Shinji felt an odd noise bubble up out of his throat. At first, it felt like a spasm -- a hiccup, maybe -- until he realized it was a laugh. He was laughing. And crying at the same time, somehow. He and the Doctor looked at each other and laughed, the sound echoing down the impossible corridors.