Into the Dark (ORIGINAL AND UNEDITED EDITON)

Four

Something explodes inside my body; a quiet but powerful thing that makes my legs weaken and my breath disappear.    I can't breathe.  He's here.  Why is he here?  How is he here?

He doesn't speak, he just stares at me with those warm turquoise eyes until slowly, very slowly, my body and soul begins to awaken under them. His mouth is covered in a rich brown beard and so I can't tell if it's soft or tense as he stares at me.   He's staring at me like he can't quite believe I'm real, or as though he's trying to re-familiarise himself with my face again. I don't need to re-familiarise myself with him though, because I hadn't forgotten a single inch of him.   He looks exactly like I remembered, better maybe.  Better because he's flesh and blood and real. 

The heated silence stretches on and neither of us speaks to fill it. Finally, Rob clears her throat. 

"Wow, yeah.  Like I thought; you two belong together." her voice seems to come from somewhere far behind me.  "I'll leave you both to it."   I hear the rustle of her dress fade behind me and still I can't look away from him or say anything. 

He's wearing a perfectly tailored dark blue suit, the top button of his white shirt undone, and a black tie. His hair is longer now - highlighting painfully how much time has passed since I've seen him - and he has it slicked back stylishly. His neatly groomed beard, even if it does partially hide the mouth I love so much, suits him perfectly. He looks very serious and incredibly beautiful and his eyes seem to be telling me so many things as they burn into me making me feel warmer than I've felt in weeks.

"How are you here?" I whisper.   Christ that's not even a proper question. 

He seems to consider his response for a moment, his mouth tightening ever so slightly. "Robyn invited me," He says.

Oh, that voice.  That rough, deep male voice that used to send shivers through me still does.  Of course it does. I nod and draw my tongue across my lips which feel dry and useless. There's so much I want to say to him, that I need to say to him, but all I seem able to do right now is look at him.

"But I can go Alex. I can go right now if you want me to.  I don't want to be here if it upsets you.  That's the last thing I wanted."  He says.

A stab of fear shoots through me, hot and sudden.  Oh, I'm not ready for him to be gone again, for him to leave me again.  Slowly, I shake my head.  "No. I'm not upset," I tell him and his shoulders seem to loosen with relief.

I still can't look away from him.  I think maybe I'm scared that if I do then this moment will be gone and I'll be back to reminding myself of all the reasons why I can't love him. Reasons I can't remember now that he's here, in front of me and real. He takes a few steps toward me and then stops, uncertain. 

He swallows and his mouth softens. "I heard you play." he smiles. "You were amazing bab-." He stops himself. "It was perfect. I knew you'd be perfect."

The tears rush up to the back of my eyelids hot and unexpected.  He saw me play.  He was there when I played.  He came.   I swallow back the threat of tears and manage a small smile.   I speak only when I'm sure my voice won't give me away.

"Well, you always said you wanted to hear me play Bach," I smile.   When he smiles back it's not the full boyish smile I remember.  It's a little reserved, and there's some sadness in it, but it's still Jake. 

"Well, you play Bach just as good as you play Beethoven." He says and suddenly the night I tasted him at my piano explodes into my mind.  It makes my mouth water and my stomach clench tightly and dangerously.  As the heat creeps up my neck I finally manage to tear my eyes away from his and I glance away out onto the manicured lawns of Ileam Castle.