An Unwilling Acceptance Part 48

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8th September 2018 All Rights Reserved

Editing

Jenny's POV...

Having Jilly for a pizza dinner was lovely. She's a very quiet girl it seems. Nothing like her mother. Thinking of Rachel, I couldn't see anything of her in her daughter. She must have gotten all her goodness from her fathers side. His mother had obviously been a strong force in Jilly's life, I thought.

More than Jilly's own mother had been. It looks like she had a very good upbringing.

But we didn't push her about her family. We just had a quiet kind of evening. She was telling us how she has graduated early and was nearly finished with her units at Uni. So shortly, she will have her degrees in Geomicrobiology along with some Ecophysicist.

That all sound familiar. It seems that all of us that have in common. Even Micah who has his degrees in engineering had also got a few degrees in Earth Science and Ecology. It was amazing how well the kids all got on together. It was like having another Thia in our group, only my Thia was a lot more forthcoming.

I let the kids all talk and just sat back and watched them as they got along.

"She has to be related, doesn't she?" Miss Abby quietly murmured into my ear as she leaned closer to speak to me without the kids hearing her.

"She is." I said back to her just as quietly. My words must have startled Miss Abby a bit when I acknowledged who Jilly was. There was no doubt in my mind the longer she spent time with us.

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was getting a bit late.

"It's getting on a bit late." I mentioned out loud.

" Micah, can you walk Jilly home please for me and make sure she gets home safely." I asked my son who was more interested in finishing off the pizza than anything else.

"No worries, Mum." He said as I watched him climb to his feet.

He is so tall now, nearly as tall as his dad I'm thinking, and his dad is over six foot six. Then thinking of his dad, reminded me of the letter that was forwarded on to me from him. I have had to think a lot about it. An awful lot. I don't know if we can get pass this challenge that has come up.

Not this time.

But Daniel is begging me for more time. Not to plead his case, his letter has done that. He's pleading for more time so that I can come to terms with what he had written from his point of view. He refuses to give the divorce papers back to me until we have sorted this all out, or at least tried, he begged.

I keep seeing the words that he had written in front of me. I have a lot to think about. I really do, and if it was just me, I wouldn't hesitate to say no, but we have kids too that will be affected. I think I'll just sleep on it overnight and then think about it some more.

**


"To Jenelle, my Jenny,"

"Please, please read this before deciding whatever it is you will do after reading it. I'll accept whatever you choose to do. But please listen to my side, I beg of you."  Was his first sentence in that letter.

"How to put into words how confused I was is hard for me. I don't know why since we have always talked about everything together." He had written in the letter.

"First and foremost, I want to tell you that I love you. I never stopped loving you. Every breath I take is with you in my mind. Yes I know that you think I am lying when I said that, but I wasn't. I truly wasn't. When we came back to River Ridge, I tried so hard to be the husband I was before what happened in Perth.
But all these doubts came in and they wouldn't go away. ...  'How would you feel if I touched you after what you saw when you came into that room? ...  Then my thoughts were that you were too good for me anyway and I should sully you with my touch. ... You deserved better than me.'
These were the thoughts that I had going through my mind. It got to the point where I couldn't even look you in the eye when we went to bed, thus starting that habit of coming to bed after you went and getting back up early before you awoke. I felt like I was starving you with my touch, yet  I couldn't touch you. I felt that I would make you feel dirty if I did.
Then the thoughts that 'I would dirty others when I touched them too, not just the kids, but everyone' started coming in on me and they wouldn't go away..  So I started taking jobs that would take me further and further away from you and home.
Then Catherine started working for us on site at the last few jobs. It started with an accidental touch that she didn't shy away from. She didn't look at me like I was polluting her with my touch. And no, you never did look at me like that either. You never did.
It wasn't until that last day when you came in and surprised us with your visit was when you did. When I saw that look on your face and in your eye's I knew that what I had allowed to happen, even if it was for some stupid reason, had destroyed whatever it was that you had felt for me.
At least that's what it looked like to me. And seeing how angry you were as well as the pain I heard coming through your voice, I will never forget that. Never. Every time I close my eyes I see all this happening over and over again, that last day with you and how you reacted.
I guess there was something about you that I didn't know before.
Your violent side when pushed beyond the limits more than anyone could handle. I will forever be sorry to you for putting you in that position, and it was me that did it.  I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.
I am so sorry Honey. So very, very sorry. I lost your trust. That much is very evident, but please, please give me a chance to gain it back.
Please let me talk to you before doing anything else, Please, Baby. Please. I'm begging you for just one more chance.
This is all I can say at this time until hopefully, I can talk to you face to face really soon.
I love you Jen. I always have and I always will despite the stuff ups I have done.
I'll love you forever, and I want you to be able to trust me again, like I should have trusted you.
Your Danny <3

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