The Reason Why (Harmione)

Chapter 15

Weeks went by. It was painful for Hermione, and it hurt Harry to see her in pain. He desperately wanted to know what was bothering her, but she had made it very clear that she didn't want to tell him, at least not yet. He hoped that if he let her have her space, she would eventually open up to him.

So when she told him she wanted to go for walk alone instead of staying with him in the common room like she usually did, he let her go. He watched her figure disappear, hoping she could change her mind and turn around, but she didn't even glance back.

Hermione pulled her robes tighter around herself, chilled by the late November wind. Over the weeks, all of the whispers had only gotten worse. They seemed to be getting increasingly louder by the day, begging to be let into her mind only to destroy it.

Finally, today she had had enough. She needed to be alone and clear her head. Knowing that nobody would be outside in this kind of weather, she decided it would be best to go there, where nobody would disturb her.

The second she had set foot outside the castle, Hermione started to cry. Hard. Her nose was running and her sobs made her throat hurt, but she continued walking, allowing both her body and her mind to get lost.

She couldn't quite put her finger on why she didn't want to tell Harry why this all hurt her so much. She knew she could trust Harry, and she knew it hurt his feelings that she wasn't telling him. But somehow she stopped herself.

Maybe it's because of everything I've already done, she thought to herself. She had ruined Harry's first real friendship, Harry's best friendship, simply by telling him the truth. Now, she was letting the consequences - the consequences she had caused - tear her apart. Hermione felt she didn't deserve to be grieving like this. It was Harry who had been forced into this situation with no warning and no way to stop it. But she still felt sorry for herself.

I'm an awful person, she thought to herself as yet another sob tore it's way through her lungs and she trudged on, not even taking in where she was. I am selfish and inconsiderate and manipulative and awful.

The reason she didn't tell Harry was another reason she wanted to tell him. If I'm going to fall apart because of this, can't I at least tell him why?

Now she was standing still, leaning against a tree, unable to walk due to her sobs. After all this time, she supposed she must have grown used to the sound, because she could still hear the rustle of leaves behind her. Realizing that she wasn't alone, Hermione looked around the tree she was leaning against. "Who's there?" She shouted, her voice breaking. At first, she saw nothing. Then came the feeling.

With the way she was feeling at the moment, Hermione was surprised she even noticed the difference. But she did.

Suddenly it was dark, much too dark for lunch time. "L-lumos," Hermione muttered. A feeble spot of light appeared at the tip of her wand for a second, but quickly fizzled out. The tears seemed to freeze on her face and her breath appeared in clouds in from of her. Then she heard the horribly familiar rattling of the creature's breath.

She turned to see a hooded figure gliding toward her.

This wasn't the first time Hermione had dealt with a dementor. Expecting this to be easy, she drew her wand.

But somehow, this time wasn't like the others. Of course, dementors always made her cold and sad, but this... This had never happened before.

Hermione fell to her knees as she heard the most horrible words ever spoken to her all over again.

"I know you're hiding something!" Ron shouted at her, much closer to her than she was comfortable with.

"For the hundredth time, Ron, I am not!" Hermione cried, exasperated. They had had this argument so many times, except this was worse. Much, much worse.