The Besotted

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It's Friday.

THAT Friday.

Zayn job thing Friday.

I don't know what I'm walking into here, I only have the address and information that they're are making changes in staffing so if there's ever a time to get in, it can only be now.

Oh, and also that my boss was/is the boss? Something along those lines, but my game plan is to slip in without any ripples so I can avoid him as best I can. How often do CEOs pay attention to the entry level? It'll be fine.

I pray--

The rain has stopped for a bit, and the sun is out and bright. And if there's a sign that it'll all be fine, this has to be it.

I have bigger things than Mr Sin to worry about. I haven't seen him since I got him hijacked, and I know I have a lot more apologising to do there. I take full blame. Especially since he also repaid my stolen cheque into my bank account.

I practically danced when I went over to the shopping complex, just taking chances on the card-- hoping to swipe Nebula some Purity if I had even R50 in there.

And there it was. Full amount. And not a cent more, which I respected.

I could get a few things, and also get a whole stack of thrown away cardboard boxes that I used to insulate our shack now that's it's been raining and it's going to be cold until September.

I think Mam'Ntombi has bronchitis, and I've been trying to get that under control these past few days. I had to take some time off from both my jobs to deal with the fever.

I couldn't leave her alone with Nebula when she's feeling like that, a 2 year old used to that unnecessarily big house of theirs with all the toys and tiled floors, electric heaters and electric blankets. Indoor plumbing and any kind of food she wants... only I should deal with bringing her down from that, not my sick mother.

But today she's feeling better and Mam'Noni said she'd come over to check on them, so I feel a little comfortable leaving them alone for a few hours as I resume a ritual I'm much too familiar with--

Skirt. Shirt. Heels. Hair brushed, middle part, and tied at the nape of my neck. My life's worth printed on some papers in my bag.

I didn't get a good night's sleep last night and I had to be up early this morning to make them breakfast and cook the lunch they'd eat later on if I'm to get home a bit late.

I try to squash this little anxiety playing in the middle of my chest. My heart is beating like crazy and my stomach is starting to hurt from all the twisting of my guts.

I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get anything there. What I'm going to do about Nebula? How I'm going to be able to take care of my mother, who, as much as it kills me to admit, doesn't seem to be getting any better?

Siphesihle? My brother. It's only about time before he dies. The turnover for nyaopes in this township is high, especially for those who steal to feed their habit. If I don't save him, he'll die one way or another.

And even if I did stop caring after everything he's done, if he dies, it ultimately becomes my problem. I'm the one who's going to pay in the end. I'm the one who's going to be running around to bury him, meaning I'm the one who's going to need to look for money for feeding this whole neighbourhood for a week.

I can barely feed myself.

Where the hell am I going to get money to slaughter a cow?

I don't have the money anymore, I don't have any options.