17. The Truth

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Dad left a few minutes ago, reasoning he had to meet with my doctor. So now I lay on the bed staring at the first snow of the year.

I couldn't help but drift my eyes towards Delcan's home.


I sigh.

Yes a huge part of me hurts, misses him. How can't it, when I had a massive irrational hope of him being alive. Even though a part of my mind, constantly reminded me it's not possible, I madly believed that he would be still alive.

But, he is not gone. He is still there. In my heart. He promised me that he would always watch me over. I believed Delcan.

I wipe a stray tear and for the first time I smile with happiness.

The lingering question of my boyfriend's death has been finally answered. Even tough, it all seems impossible, it is the truth and I have to accept it.

Am I angry with Tara?

I honestly don't know. Yes, she snatched the most precious thing in my life, but I can't help but see things from her viewpoint. She had a disorder, it was not her fault. She was destined to.

And there is a share of my fault too. I should have let her in, I should have seen the good friend she had in her. In a remote implausible way, I pushed her into this.

But I won't keep blaming myself. For Delcan's sake, I have to move on.

Lost in my thoughts I don't hear someone coming in until he taps my shoulder.

"Hey, sweetie." He whispers.

I turn my gaze from the window to the boy sitting on my bed with a bandage wrapped around his head just like mine.

Ben is smiling at me.

And I smile back.

"Wow, it's so good to see you smile again." He breaths.

And I blush?

"How are you?" I ask.

"Shouldn't I be asking?" He grins.

"I guess we both could ask each other." I chuckle and so does he.

He grabs my hand and stares into my eye.

"Are you doing good Lilly?" He asks with seriousness.

"I think it will take time. Honestly. But I guess I am slowly recovering from Delcan's death." I answer truthfully.

His eyes zone out but focus back quick.

As he leaves my hand, I hold his tight, "Ben, are YOU doing good?"

He smiles sadly, almost broken and looks outside the window I had looked outside just before he came in.

"I c-can't believe I did it." He whispers so low, that I almost fail to hear.

"It's not your fault. You did what you had to protect yourself." I reason.

I see him shake his head, "I did what I had to protect you, Lilly."

I bite my lip. He turns his head.

"I wouldn't forgive myself, if something happened to you." He says.

And I see Delcan in his face.

Find a guy...

Was Ben the guy?

He had stood by me in all the ups and downs of my life. He was there when I was afraid to confess my feelings to Delcan. He was there to celebrate my victory and happiness. He was there when I had the tragic downfall. He had lent his shoulders countless time for me to lean on. He had always protected me. He didn't even bother about the consequences when he hit Tara.

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