Guys n girls...this is my first attempt at a story...its diferent...check the book details if u wanna know whats it about n whats gonna happen later in the story...basically the summary..please do read that :)
please give it a chance..it means alot to me.
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Life changes drastically, I thought.
I had stopped looking back upon my once blissfully and then torn apart life. Sometimes smiling or laughing at the remembrance of the good old times didn't seem to be so hard. Sometimes it seemed impossible. Once life was so normal then suddenly it wasn't worth living anymore. Once I had everything I needed and eventually got things that I wanted but then the time when I lost everything.
A breeze blew against my face through the open window of the truck I hitchhiked in. The man sitting beside me, the owner of the truck was an old man. He looked pale like he worked too hard all his life. He had a cigarette in his mouth, he saw me looking so he offered me a cigarette from the pack but I shook my head "I don't smoke" I said quietly. I didn't smoke because my once upon a time friends used to smoke and they loved it...they got addicted to it...so I knew if I start and get addicted I wouldn’t have so much money or money at all to pay for them. I looked at the old man again....his face had wrinkles n he looked so distant and sad...his hands were hard n very rough...they looked rough, they would probably feel rougher to the touch. He made me wonder about my life ahead...would I look like this when I'm at his age? I had no idea. I was a lost kid in the world... A loner...wanderer...once I had a normal life...I had friends...there was so much to life...now I have nothing but my thoughts...it had been 2 hours since I started this journey...I was glad that this man picked me up but he didn't say a word to me since I sat in...He had just asked where I want to go and I had said anywhere. Maybe he also realized how empty I was so he didn't talk to me.
I hated to look upon my past but I had no choice. I couldn’t make myself forget the good times but they were years back in life, to get to them I had to pass through the miserable times...the times that emptied me...finished my life...took everything from me...left me alone..On my own.
The very few things which were left and I took with me were the clothes on my skin...two extra pair of clothes in my school bag. The shoes I was wearing, a comb, toothbrush, my mobile which I got on my recent birthday and my iPod, few books, few pictures of my past which would give me strength to regain my life which I lost...to always remember the people I loved and the few who loved me back. I also carried a diary and a pen. And one thing which I was blissful about was my savings. I had saved 500 dollars and my friends used to laugh because when we were little they used to buy games and stationary while I saved money and when we grew up they used to go to cafes n waste money on alcohol or cigarettes while I saved money...they used to say "why save money when your parents can buy you anything in the world" but I used to ignore them...it's not like I saved every cent I got....I saved half or at least quarter of my pocket money....my parents were rich...but it was just an instinct and look now these few dollars I saved are all the money I am left with.
Life is unfair but there are ways to survive right? People suffer a lot...they are in worse conditions but they survive don't they? It only requires the will to live...and I have plenty of it.
People suicide but I'm not going to do it...life is a challenge, I’ll fight till my last breath...I’ll get my life back, I’ll struggle....I was never a loser...I was always a fighter and ill prove to life that I won't be weak...I’ll be strong...I’ll start a new life...it's hard..It’s awful to think about how things will turn out...
I used to scream and cry at night...people might think that it's a Girly thing to cry but guys have feelings and emotions too right? Under such extreme circumstances a guy can cry his painfully heart out in the secrecy of the night can't he?
But it's been a few months since I've become numb...I don’t cry anymore....at night instead I stare at the sky and think about my life...my future. It's so painful. I never thought that life could take such a painfully and horrible twist and turn. I think things like this for hours and hours...the same things over and over again....I've become a recycle bin with every part of my happy life sent to the bin and the bin has been further emptied....I'm numb of emotions now...I don't have the ability left to trust anyone, or to love...at least I think so. I just stopped hoping, I don't believe happiness will find me ever again...
I am trying to be strong...my thoughts are like hurricanes in my head...I've lost the ability to think straight...I want to hope and sometimes I do but the other times I think it's waste but I will struggle...fight through life as I said before...it's just that I don't have a straight head anymore....I'm suffering....my mind is numb but I can't numb my heart....every once in a while I get a choking feeling....I get a lump in my throat and a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I try to fight it but it leaves me weak from the struggle.
I'm in dark....pitch black...in a pool of pain...maybe with time it will become numb because the pain doesn’t let me think straight. I just have trust in god. I know there is a god somewhere...I don't believe in any religion...I don't know any religion...I don't know the world...I’m on my own...the world is a strange place with strangers all around...I have my own god...he is only one...he created the whole universe...he will take care of me, I believe so. I believe in this invisible god because the world is invisible for me....the people n things I once had n loved have vanished from my life, they became invisible but I still feel them...the pain n the blissfulness of the past are still with me although they are invisible they give me strength so my god is invisible too just like everything around me....I've given my life in his control.
So with my god and the few things I have left, I plan on moving on and....I don't know...like I said the world is a strange cruel place...like a stranger to me...I don't know what I'm going to do...how I’ll survive...so let's just see what becomes of life.
It was almost midnight now, with some other strange thoughts in my head I drifted to sleep.