I just sat here. Numb.
Too numb to move, eat, sleep....... talk. Too numb to do anything really. It's been about two days since the incident in the field. I haven't seen or talked to her since. How could I talk to someone after they've seen me at my weakest point?
My breaking point.
I was at the brink of madness, about to take my life away. I don't know but, something went off inside me. I knew I was a ticking time bomb that was bound to explode. She put out my timer. She's the reason I'm still here.
The reason my heart is still pumping. The reason my lungs are still taking in the air. The reason why I'm still here in this fucked up world. If it weren't for her I'd be gone. Away from worry, being abandoned.....pain.
She'd come to my door and ask me stuff that people who usually care about you ask. Stuff like.....
"Harry please come out."
"Harry please I'm worried about you"
"Harry please open the door"
"Harry answer me."
I know it's wrong to shut her out like this and keep her worried but, I just couldn't face her. I couldn't face anybody.
My door clicked followed by Anna peaking her head inside. She sighed in relief. "Oh thank goodness your okay. I had to break in because you wouldn't open the door."
I stared up at my dull colored ceiling, getting lost in the tiny pattern of the popcorn ceiling "What do you want I said."
She paused, almost as she was taken aback by my nonchalant behavior.
"I was just checking on you, Harry. That's what people do when they care about someone." She replied. I scoffed at this.
"Well, you shouldn't. I didn't ask you to care about me. I'd actually prefer if you didn't."
"But I do Harry. I can't control who I care about." She said.
"No, you can't control who you love." I corrected.
"Care, love, its the same thing, same concept." She said.
"So what your saying is that you love me then?" I questioned. She fell silent.
"I-i didn't say that," she mumbled. "But you were implying it," I said.
I looked over at her. She was playing with her finger's, looking down at her feet. She had a deep blush on her face. I knew what I said was true.
I just couldn't understand. Why would someone so young with a pure heart care and love someone like me? People like me take those people in the world and crush their beautiful souls. Like a sunflower growing out of the sidewalk in New York. It's bound to be trampled by the ones around it. Just like I'm doing to her. She can't love me. She's not supposed to.
"You're not supposed to love me. I'm no good. I don't know what it will take to get you to see that." I said.
"I'll tell you what." She said. "Let's make a deal. I'll try not to... Care for you if you start to love and care for yourself." She said.
I groaned. "Come on Harry, please. It's the only way I'll know you're still holding on and that your still here. Promise me that."
" Please Harry?"
Yayyy it's Tuesday.
This chapter was a little rushed but I'm gonna try and make the next one bomb af.
Have a good day or night or morning idk
Luv u guys
New update next Thursday.
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"Baby girl It's alright to be jealous but, at least I know that if I wanted you I could have you." "As if." Believe me, this is not your typical good girl, bad boy story.