Chapter 5

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Monday morning and so far I have avoided my mother successfully so now I just need to get to school without seeing her and that would be wonderful. Ever since I yelled at her Saturday I stayed in my room till I knew she was consumed in her work till I would head out. Also I haven't seen Alex either and that's good... I think.

Kay so noone has ever showed any interest in me and no one ever asks what happens when I show up with bruised knuckles or even when they're bandaged up. Honestly no one talks to me so the other day at the park when Alex came up and to talked to me I was confused as to why Mr. PopularBadBoyHighSchoolHeartThrob would talk to me. I like being alone because I can never seem to trust people to stick around or even give a shit about me. See when I was 5 years old, my mother woke my sister and I up in the middle of the night and we left my father. He used to abuse my mother and as I sat there that day on the stairs I seen just how violent he can become when he's drunk, and I guess my mother had enough and she decided it was time to leave him. 

The only set of grandparents I have will hardly talk to me. I used to be really close to my grandmother, but when I turned 16 I was allowed to get my first tattoo and seeing as my Aunt is a tattoo artist it was a birthday present from them. Well my grandmother didn't like the fact I was 'marked' for the rest of my life with ink. So now I get dirty looks from her and she only ever talks to me when she absoultly has to talk to me. 

My friends; we all live in different towns so come summer it's hard to go and see any of them, but we try to keep in contact through Facebook and texting but that's actually harder then we all expected. At the beginning of the school year I walked into the school and walked up to my group of friends and they ignored me and walked away. I took the hint and stopped bothering them. I don't need friends, I have myself and I don't need to burden anyone with my problems anyways. 

I do see my father every two weeks but only because he has visitation, but he hardly talks to me either and I don't have a reason for that. He being an alcoholic doesn't help either. He's either a happy drunk which honestly I don't mind it seems like thats the time he does end up talking to me but if you get him to talk about a certain subjet he wont shut up about it and he can go on for hours about it. But it's when he's a mean drunk, that's when I avoid him and find a place in the house where i know he wont go, because that little 5 year old inside me still remembers how violent he can get when he's like that and it's best to just leave him alone.

I've had two boyfriends but the first one ended up cheating on me only two months into the relationship and I was heartbroken for the third time and it never gets easier. My second boyfriend; we lasted seven months but with my mood swings all over the place all the time, and it's not just when I'm on my period it's all month long and it would drive any one crazy god knows if I could I would leave but I kinda can't, anyways after 7 months of that he got tired of guessing and walking on egg shells around me and that's not something I want in a relationship, so the break up was more of a mutual thing. But being cheated on takes a toll and he being my first boyfriend I have trust issues and I find it hard to trust people easily and I hate how I compare every guy to him but I guess that's just another thing wrong with me.


Walking into school was the same thing every day. My head was down and I walked swiftly to my locker avoiding anyone. I usually have my headphones in my ears and I'm listening to music but I can't listen to music without becoming more depressed. 

As I'm walking to my locker I see Alex with his usual group of friends and unfortunately his locker is just a few down from mine. As I look over I see he's already looking at me and not knowing how to deal with this feeling or whatever it is, I refuse to show him so I try my hardest not to blush and I flip him the bird instead. That only earns me a dirty look from his friends and a confused look from him but he quickly covers it up with a blank expression before anyone can see it.