"Maybe, but you need some time to yourself just to...relax. Think. Get everything out of your system," he said, trailing his finger up and down my arm.
"Is that why you started?" I asked.
"Yes," he said after a short pause.
I sighed, "Spill."
"What are you talking about?" he asked innocently.
"Why haven't you been sleeping?" I prodded, "You said it'd be good to get everything out of your system. Lay it on me."
His innocent expression fell and he looked exhausted, aged in a way. This was really taking a toll on him, much more than he let on. I started to slide off his lap but his arms shot around me and held me in place before he buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.
"It's just...I keep him away as much as I can during the day, and then at night he's around but doesn't sleep," he shook his head lightly, face still in my hair, "And when I'm in charge but sleeping he...I get nightmares."
I exhaled slowly, rubbing my eyes tiredly as I turned my head to look up at him.
"What are they about?" I asked.
He looked away, working his jaw.
"Austin," I growled, "Tell me."
He looked back at me, "They're really bad," he whispered. I don't think I've ever seen him look this scared since Caleb strangled me.
"Tell me anyways," I encouraged, cupping his cheek with my hand.
His eyes closed, "It's always the same thing, but different at the same time," he started quietly, "It's always the same night, playing over and over again but with different outcomes."
I knew which night he meant right away and I swallowed hard.
"What kind of outcomes?" I asked, having a sinking feeling I already knew.
"Him possessing me completely, you stabbing him through the heart but he goes away and you stabbed me instead," his eyes opened and the look on his face was so...damaged. Scared. "Every time I lost you in some way. One time, right before the possession was complete he..." he took a breath, suddenly angry, "He killed you. He stabbed you right through you stomach and since you were still alive he stabbed you through the heart until you were dead."
I struggled to keep my expression neutral as he continued, looking more furious than before.
"And I felt it, how excited, how happy he was as he killed you. I felt his pleasure and my own pain at watching my soul mate die," he said, hands curled in fists around my shirt, "In a perverse way I enjoyed the pain I felt, enjoyed seeing you die right before my eyes."
"Austin is was just a nightmare it's not-"
"It's not true? It won't happen?" he cut me off bitterly, "How can you know that?"
"I don't but how do you know it's not him just trying to mess with you?" I challenged.
"Because he's planning what's going to happen that night! I know every nightmare I have is just one of his ideas, but he keeps changing them, trying to find the perfect one to make us both hurt as much as possible!" he snapped.
I swallowed a snarl and instead grit my teeth and looked away, fingers curled tightly around his shoulders, nails digging in through his shirt right into his flesh.
"I'm sorry," he said, sounding frustrated, "I just..." he exhaled in exasperation, "I just hate that I let him get to me."
I didn't say anything; I had the same problem.
Chapter 30: Were You Weak, Was I Strong?
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