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The REAL Twilight (a retarded parody)


"Your hair grew since last time I saw you... Balls- I mean Bells." Charlie stuttered very gayly as he drove to his gay- I mean bachelor pad

"What" I ask slowly, trying to comprehend. Ok, he was talking about hair... and growth. and balls... and bells...

"Your HAIR HAS GROWN" Charlie said loudly, walking up the tea cup chiuahua in his lap.

"I'm so sorry, Taco." Charlie murmurs as he pets the dog.

"Well, we're here. My Gay- I mean, my bachelor pad!" Charlie quickly straightens his pink tie, smiling at me and then opening his door.

I open the door of the pink Smart car, breifly wondering if charlie is gay. Oh well i dunno.

"Well uh.. Jakkob, my lover- Uh, uh... Gardener! is here to see you!"

Jakkob begins walking towards me, smiling with his big white teeth. I run over to him, remembering him from my childhood, he was my slave- Uh.. he was my friend!!

I almost reach him, but I trip over my imaginary friend, kola. I fall and hit my head, killing more of my remaining brain cells.

Jakkob helps me up. "So you remember me! We used to make mud pies when we were little! Of course, it wasn't really mud.. It was actually wolf shit... But you know that, right!"

I stutter (as usual) "No i actually didn't.."

Jakkkob nervousley laughs. "Huh.. hehe joking!" He stutters

Then edward comes, bella falls in love with him, edward secretly hates her, and THE END!!!!!

i'm such an awesome writer...

Oh Twilight... You've out-stupided yourself {Array of Twi Spoofs}Read this story for FREE!