Chapter 23 - Mommy

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“Oh Ethan sweetheart, it’s beautiful!  Can I see it?” 

“Yes!”  He smiled proudly lifting it up toward her.

Alan excused himself quietly and things quickly returned to normal for a while.  But the drive home was too quiet and unsaid things hovered between them.  But neither of them knew were to even begin setting the tone for the next few days.  The week crept along with very little if any conversation.  But the glances that shot back and forth between them spoke volumes, the occasional brush of his shoulder as he squeezed past her in the doorway or the brush of their hands when taking care of Ethan.  Things were still smoldering just beneath the surface just begging to be rekindled.

It had been several days and nothing new had developed with Dane so Berkley fell back on Blake for transportation.  She wasn’t supposed to drive until she had been checked again.  She hated to ask him considering the events that had taken place between them last week but she couldn’t very well ask Garrett.  He wouldn’t be happy to know that she was pregnant andon the outs with Dane to top it all off.  So as horrible as it made her feel she had no choice but to depend on Blake for the time being.  He was being quiet but she completely understood.  This wasn’t easy for him and who was she kidding?  It wasn’t easy for her either because she did love him.  Just not the same way he loved her.  They pulled into the parking lot and he let her out at the door then met up with her inside.  They waited for what seemed like an eternity and he held her hand tracing circles subconsciously with his thumb.  This gesture wasn’t misunderstood between either of them.  It was simply another expression of his never ending support that she now felt guilty accepting.  Why did he have to go running off at the mouth and change things?  She wasn’t mad at him and she knew that if he really did feel the way he claimed to feel then it was beyond his control.  Love isn’t something a person chooses to feel.  It either exists for someone or it doesn’t.  It’s as simple as that and if you are one of the very few lucky ones out there it is reciprocated.  Oh God, please don’t let me be that person for him.  She prayed silently as he sat slouching in the chair beside her with his eyes closed.  This situation with him was killing her.

He stayed by her side throughout most of her exam but stepped outside the door to save her the embarrassment of asking him to leave.  He came back in as soon as it was over and she handed him the picture of the tiny little peanut shaped baby.  He gave a bittersweet smile and handed it back to her.  His eyes were glistening as he turned to step out into the hallway while she changed back into her clothes.  She began to cry.  This was killing Blake, killing her and she should never ever have expected so much from him.  It was terribly selfish of her and if anyone should have been here with her today it should have been Dane.  Guilt washed over her and she just wanted to go home and lock herself inside her room to be alone with her thoughts.

Blake was silent as he drove her home.  It wasn’t a tense silence but more of a sadness emanating from him.  He was surprised and surreptitiously pleased to find out that Dane had failed to work things out with her.  He had to be a fool not to see that Berkley was crazy about him but then if he wasn’t just as crazy about her, he didn’t deserve her.

He glanced across the car at Berkley, the girl of his dreams.  It had only been a week since he poured his heart out to her.  It killed him now, the waiting and watching to see how this was going to play out but this was something he couldn’t push.  He knew that right now she still had the hope of things with Dane and she had to come to her decision on her own.  If he pushed too much he would push her away. 

She sat with her head leaned back, eyes closed and her hands cradling her protruding baby bump.  He could tell she was pregnant but probably only because he already knew.  Dane would figure it out soon enough with or without her cooperation.  He reached over and brushed her cheek.  She turned to face him slightly and her eyes fluttered open revealing those penetrating green orbs that had a way of making his heart beat wildly against his chest. 

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